to say i am fine, is just a lie

because it is not....though i know that life has to move on, but still to be far away from those i love at this particullar moment, its just unpleasant. i tink i need some time to really adjust to this life and death situation. or i think i should let out the courage to talk and cry it all out? but i dont know...and i dont want to talk about it anymore...i dont want to talk about all the things that had happened so fast...and so saddening. but i think i should cry all out...huff...i think i should have talk to God about it.

but God, i'm sorry, for the time being i wasnt able to talk to U. i wasnt able to express how i feel to U, even though i know You are sad too about what happen. but i dont know. i was afraid. i was so so scared. i am so scared of doubting You, i am so scared of losing my faith. but most of all, i am so scared of losing myself. i dont know what is in me right now. there's something in me that sounds so heavy, so full of burden. until now, i still believe that it will over soon, but it is just not over. i mean, in me. and until then i wish it is all just a dream. i dont know that the after effect would be stronger.

i wondered, did i really cried out loud that day, when i see the whole process with wide eyes? the tears it just rolled naturally and so quickly, i cant catch up. i wish i could turn back time. i wish i could turn back all the time lost and all the time found. i wish i could talk to God. i wish i could spend a lone time with God, alone. just You and I. and i wish i could fall down on His mighty palm only, where all tears will be wiped and all troubles will be gone. where all burdened will be swipped away from me. i wish....all i could wish for... but most of all i wish....i could hear your voice and hear Your voice........

Ohana

"Ohana means family, family means no one was left behind"

Lilo and Stitch

There's nothing i could write here...it seems that the day i heard about the bad news that shocked my life, my world seems to spin like a roller coaster...everything seems so fast and so hard to catch up with, however, the time seems to move so slowly...
i can accept the facts yes, i can, and i know no matter how hard we cried, he just wont be here with us, and i know that God is with him as well as with us. but sometimes, i wonder, how long will it take for us to meet again. i dont mean to go so soon, but still, the idea that the member of the family is gone...and the idea that someone is missing in all the family occassions is just so hard to feel.

how i wish the time we had together was not that fast and short. i guess, sometimes things arent always that great when it is "short and simple " or "short and sweet" it does not come up to be that "sweet" after all. huff...i dont know either why am i writing all these, but well, i just cant take it....my heart seems like burdened with something. something that i cant quite figure it out. i wanted to write it in a story, but, my mind was blocked and blank that i cant think of any words to descript it...i wish to write a great story about him. about us. in fact everything about him was great, because he was just too perfect for the world. he was the model that God wants us to be. pure and innocent. humble... and hold no begrudge against anything. even when things seems to attack him in every way, he stays faithful and obedient. he stays positive. i guess is because he was just so perfect and because God loves him so much, that He wants him back to His kingdom. Because he had done enough, because he just not fit to be in this cruel world. And God knows that heaven is just the perfect place for him.

i want to write...i want to write something about him. him and us. but maybe i need some time, some time to sort things out, clear my mind and think carefully about it. because it has to be well written, just like the other stories i did. or rather it has to be even better. i planned the plot already, but there's still something missing in it... wish as time past, i can fill up those holes in the middle of the sentences. or i think i have to change the whole plot all over again.

now one thing i wish for is just for nothing to ever happen to our family again. no more...no more deaths. two loss is enough. all of us, which used to be 26 altogether, had become 24 now...its getting lesser..and it's just unpleasant to believe. and i wished that all of us can gather together as often as possible. even though we are far apart. and i wish no one is left behind. i wish no one is ever so far, or so fast for us to reach out for them.

because we are family; and family means no one was left behind.

just come back

lol..i am still on the process of making my courage story...lol it just left the last part, however, but a few days ago, i was away to Hong Kong...haha and have some fun!!!!

just to share a bit of the things i had in Hong Kong
well it was a really exciting country, where the people from all walks of life could be found, and also, hehe i love the city lights which makes the city never falls a sleep. I JUST LOVE SUCH A PLACE lol, because it drains away all the tiresome and streesses. besides, that haha i love the FOOD!!!! whatever food that i ate there, and most of all the DIM SUM!!! hahaha it was very nice...unlike all the dim sum i ate before...lol...and i really like polo bao..i tink so if i was not mistaken with the name...haha and i will definitely wan to go back there again to eat those food in particular the next time i went back to Hong Kong hehe =)

Besides that, i also love the idea of travelling all the way up to the top of the mountain at Ocean Park, with Cable Car...haha i like cable car, it makes me feel so light and close to the sky...as if i'm flying...lol especially when the scenery below and the surrounding was filled with mountains and the sea and island...woohhhh nice.....really really away from all the noise made in the city area. lol

Ohhh i also love the beach at repulse bay, hehe it was somewhere at the top of the mountain too and the scenery was just so splendid that it leaves me breathless... it was the best beach after Pattaya beach.

The Peak, it was marvellous too, a place where one could witness the whole city of Hong Kong. and most of all during the night, when the lights begins to colour the plain buildings in the day time--- that was the most magnificent scenery...i really love it... a man even climb all the way up the stool and took a picture of it...with his nice camera, the camera of my dream...lol

and yeah, well, anyway, haha i am so in a holiday mood right now....lol lol and how i want to go to Korea someday, somewhere in time...lol. and then to Japan, and then to India and see my most favourite building among the 7 wonders of the world, the Taj Mahal...and most of all, i wish, hope and WANT DESPERATELY to go to BARCELONA!!!! it was my dream country...lol ever since i watched meteor garden 2 haiz....Jerry makes me jealous...lol
and so...haha sorry if i have not been updating my new story...

i have so many things in mind for me to write on, but there's so little time and it really needs some time to plan out the whole thing so as to make a good story...so...haha please bear with it...lol

okay everyone, tank u for reading...hope u enjoy it..and have some fun...
God bless u all

take care now...bye bye then =)

wisdom quotes

this is one of the quotes i found during class, and i really like it very much

Our ideals resemble the stars, which illuminate the night. No one will ever be able to touch them. But the men who, like the sailors on the ocean, take them for guides, will undoubtedly reach their goal.
carl schurz

okay, so this is basically the scene of what happened one month ago.

we were told to present for the module on mathematics and computing that day, and we were suppose to make a game out of the visual studio. so if u notice in the beginning that activa whispered about the quotes right, ya that code basically is the code to make the game move. so that the buttons that we created based on our code can move whatever object we were making for tat day. and it was on that presentation, when the lecturer shoot me a question about the long codes that i had long forgotten after a hard days of working ,( haha, my memory betrayed me ). so okay, thats basically what happened in the scene of the starting of the story. and that was also the reason why i was tongue tied. not only the nervousness had already hunted me the sudden qns made me totally clueless... i felt totally doomed that day. haha but thank God, i met nice team mates who helped me out of my shit and as a matter of factly they think the opposite from me. (envy their optimism hahaha)

i remembered crying under the heavy rain...(sniff*) and i was wobbling like a drunkard on my way home. That the moment i reached, i collapsed on my bed and sleep (sleeping somehow is one of my way of relieving stress or anger...haha okay i know it sounds weird but thats the way it goes...and it is already in my nature...) then that night like mentioned in the story, i apologised. and that were somehow, the replies i got from all of them. i was so touched....ohh my God... because i really tot i was screwed that day.
and ohhh if u are wondering why there's no name mention in the story right, well basically this is because i want to keep my friends privacy. haha and of course i hope that as they read they know it themselves..
Somehow, their optimism and support had made me overcome my fears and able to continue thinking positive. like them. lol


and since they had save me once, i hope i can save them too one day. =) pay back gratitude.

ps: well, basically this story too is a dedication to them. because the experieced (though its awful) had put some ideas to my mind and allows this story to be created. i hope u like it and i hope that the school magazine may want to post this in their coming issue.... haha so whoever read this please PRAY for me that the school will like it.

Thank you.....thank you ....thank you....very much...=)

God bless you all

coming up next

haha coming up next,it will be a new story once again based on my own experience, a sucky experience in fact....haha and basically just a brief sketch of what happened to my life in my new school. ya, so, hope u enjoy it and i may be posting it soon enough.

hallow everyone this is yuliana.
this time, my story is about two friends who are departed due to an illness. well, actually at first i wanted to make it in such a way that a girl was missing someone out there and hoping for his return. however, along the way as i write, another idea came to my mind and i feel that the prev ideas are bland. there has been millions of stories of such. be it in poem or prose. therefore, i decided to follow the second insperation which involves someone who had lost his memories and thus, her hope is vanish. it is kind of an unexpected sadness, till the end of the story and if you are wondering why didnt i make it in such a way that they manage to get in touch again by all the modern technology in the world, well...i purposely leave the story hanging in the air, and leave it to you to feel up all the empty spaces. so just comment me how u wish it should end etc.

ps: and besides as this is the first time i write it in a back and forth angle, i hope you wont get out of track. thank you and once again, hope you enjoy it all =)

love always,
Me =)