Forgive

It was Christmas Eve, and old Mr. Lee had not been feeling the slightest happy about welcoming the Christmas season. There had been many reasons for the cause of his unhappiness; not only because his eldest son who planned for their Christmas vacation had no choice but to cancel their vacation due to an urgent call in for some paper works to be done, and his other children had been ungrateful enough to abandon him alone at home and resume with their own vacation, Mr. Lee would not have felt so much neglected.

‘They’ve forgotten all about their old father.’ He thought to himself sadly by the fire. ‘If only you didn’t leave me too early, at least we would still have each other.’ Mr. Lee said to the photograph of his late wife, Li Xiang. ‘If only you were here to erase the loneliness’ he called out softly to the silence of the room.

The weather outside seemed threatening as the cold wind blew fiercely from all direction, creating an eerie-ghostly sound, with the snow falling continuously for the past few hours, causing the window glasses more frosted than ever.
Slouching in his arm rest chair, Mr. Lee pulled his blanket closer to keep his frail body warm, before reaching for his mug of hot tea. Unfortunately, the hot tea which he had left for sometime had by now turned cold.
Annoyed by the coldness of the tea, Mr. Lee called out for his butler over the operator to come into the room.

The old butler, who had been working with him for more than thirty years, came into the room a few minutes later bringing with him a pot of freshly brewed tea.
‘Here Sir’ he said placing the tea pot on the table.
Just then, one of the manservant came rushing into the room with an unpleasant look on his face, and something that was broke in pieces.
‘Justin, what is it? Why are you running around the house? Didn’t you remember what I said? When I didn’t summon you to come up, don’t come!’ Mr. Lee said with irritated voice.
‘I’m sorry sir, but I…’the young man stammered, wondering if he should or should not continue
‘What is it?’ Mr. Lee asked with a frowned on his wrinkled forehead.
‘I accidentally broke one of your vases.’ He said without looking up
‘What!’ Mr. Lee shouted causing even the butler to look down in fear upon hearing the fierce scream. ‘You fool, what did you do to break it? Which one is it?’ he asked standing up with his hands on the table to support his weak legs.
‘The one with a pair of white crane.’ The young man said guiltily for he knows that the vase he had broken was one of his master’s favorite vase.
‘WHAT!’ Mr. Lee blasted with his hands slamming angrily on the table causing the Chinese pot and mug to rattle a little. ‘You fool. You fool, that was my favorite vase, why didn’t you handle it carefully.’ He shouted angrily until the veins on the side of his forehead could be seen. ‘Get out! Get out all of you! Get out, you irritating fellow, OUT! And don’t disturb me.’ He said chasing the two men with a rough gesture of his bony hand.
‘I’m sorry, I’m very sorry sir’ the young man said apologetically.
‘Be quiet! No sorry for you, from tomorrow onwards you are not allowed to work in my house.’
‘But sir’ the young man said in almost a pleading manner
‘No but, just go, can you think for yourself how many things you had broken in my house. Stop using clumsiness as an excuses, you want to work for me, you better give me a good job. Now Go out’ he chased.

Sitting down on his arm-rest chair again he felt so weak and tired after throwing such a big tantrum. ‘Sorry no cure for breaking something so precious to me, you break it you go home.’ He said to himself still in aghast.

However, upon sensing the quietness of the room that began to creeps in again, Mr. Lee was once again reminded by the loneliness that he had been trying to forget all these while. And in the silence of the room, Mr. Lee began to wonder about what he had done to cause him such loneliness.
‘God, what have I done? Why did you do this to me?’ he prayed in between anger and disappointment. ‘My wife left me long ago, my children abandoned me, and now my man servant just broke the most favorable thing I ever owned. The vase that signifies the love and promised that we made years ago. The vase that was so dear to me and my wife. Oh God, why do You need to be so cruel so as to let me feel so unhappy and neglected despite of the Christmas season?’ Mr. Lee thought to himself breathlessly.
Suddenly, he felt an unpleasant twitch on his heart as it beats in a ridiculous speed; he must have gone overboard while scolding his man-servant that his heart gave a way. As he pressed his hands against his chest, while gasping for air, he wondered what had happened to him, as he began to lose his vision.
He was struggling in pain before he remembered calling God before everything seems to spin around and at last fall to total darkness.

‘Lee Yuan Bing’ a voice called out, echoing from a distant.
Mr. Lee squinted his eyes as he tried to open it to the direction of the voice. ‘Who is it?’ he wondered still in his unconscious state.
‘Lee Yuan Bing, can you hear me?’ the voice said getting closer.
This time, through the slid of his eye lids, Mr. Lee could see a white figure standing before him, and the figure was stretching out his hands to touch his chest. Mr. Lee wondered if he was operating him, however, unlike the previous time he had his operation with his private doctor, Dr. Ong, whereby, there seems to have a lot of talking and metal clashing going on, this time, all he could hear was nothing, and instead of feeling totally oblivious about what happened, this time, he could feel warmness rushing through his body.
‘Where am I?’ He wondered, ‘is that Dr. Ong’ but there seems to be a slight difference in the tone of the way the figure was speaking.
Soon, as the voice spoke again, this time he could hear a little voice saying ‘Why did he take so long to wake up?’ which was gently silent by the voice earlier which said ‘Soon enough’

Mr. Lee woke up to find three little faces looking at him.
‘He is awake, he is awake, God he is awake.’
‘God? What did they mean by God? Who are these children?’ Mr. Lee thought upon hearing the commotion that takes place in his surroundings. Getting up slowly, Mr. Lee called out to one of the child with round cherry face and curly brown hair ‘Kid, where am I?’ he asked gently.
Mr. Lee had a soft spot for children; he believes they are the future generation and the most innocent creature on earth.
‘Heaven’ the boy said beaming happily. ‘You are in heaven, and you have been sleeping for a long time.’
Mr. Lee frowned ‘Are you kidding me? Am I dead?’ he asked.
The boy shrugged and said ‘That’s not for me to decide’

Just then, the other children came jumping up and down with their little hands pulling the white figure Mr. Lee saw earlier. The boy immediately ran towards them and whispered something to the figure in white, which the figure replied by asking them to leave the room. ‘Thank you Leon’ the figure said to the round faced boy as they ran along the seemingly endless path.
‘Where am I?’ Mr. Lee asked as the figure came closer and rested on the seat next to him.
‘Didn’t Leon tell you already?’ he asked. ‘Kids never lie, didn’t they?’ he asked quoting what Mr. Lee always said every time someone asked him the question why he loves children.
‘Then, does that mean I am dead?’
The figure let out a hand for Mr. Lee to calm down as he began to get agitated now, ‘Now, let’s take it slow, shall we?’ the figure asked with his gentle voice. ‘First of all, do you know why you end up here?’
Mr. Lee looked at the figure and asked ‘Are you God?’
The figure looked at him and said ‘Do you really need an answer for that? What did the bible said? My sheep knows my voice didn’t they? So don’t you recognize my voice or are you in doubt?’ God asked looking at the perplexed old man.
The old man darts his gaze away from God and looked down on his own hands, embarrassed for not believing what had happened to him.
But the Lord knows what he was thinking and said ‘Have faith’ and put a hand on his weak shoulder.
As God placed his hand on Mr. Lee shoulder, there was a sudden leapt from the holy- spirit within him that for a moment he was touched by the spirit which caused him to cry.
‘Please God, forgive me. Forgive me for being doubtful.’ He cried out in embarrassment as he knelt down before the Lord for forgiveness.
‘Get up, Yuan Bing’ The Lord said putting His hand on the old man’s arm. ‘You know I’m an understanding God and my thoughts are not your thoughts. I don’t get worked out over such a matter. But of course, there’s a limit in everything though, I believe you know what I mean.’ The Lord said smiling.
Mr. Lee nodded, knowing what the Lord is saying.
‘So, Yuan Bing do you know the reason why you are here?’ The Lord repeated his questions again.
‘Because I am dead’ Mr. Lee replied softly
‘Not so fast to the conclusion, son’ The Lord said and rose. ‘I want you here because it seems that you have forgotten the meaning of Christmas.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What is Christmas to you Yuan Bing? Lists out all you have in mind.’ The Lord requested.
‘A time to get together with family and friends.’ Mr. Lee said in between pauses ‘time for the renewing of spirit for the year to come, time to share and love and peace.’ he stopped.
The Lord looked at him and nodded ‘Yes, you seems to have know what should you do on Christmas, but you seems to have forgotten the actual meaning of it. The real reason why my son Jesus is born.’

Mr. Lee looked at the Lord and frowned, trying to think of what he had missed out with his old mind. Before he shake his head as he failed to remember what it was.
‘Forgive’ the Lord said looking at him with compassion upon seeing the exasperated looked on the old man’s face as he failed to get the answer.
‘Forgive.’ Mr. Lee said repeating the word. ‘But my children abandoned me God, they…they left me alone when we suppose to be together, and they don’t even realized that they had hurt their father’s feeling.’ Mr. Lee said in aghast and out of breath tone. ‘How do I suppose to forgive them and forget about it, when Christmas is tomorrow? Surely, I will think about it, when I’m sitting alone in my dining room.’ He said almost in tears now at the thought of his lonesome night again.
‘I’m not asking you to forgive your children Yuan Bing’ The Lord said which caused Mr. Lee to frown even more.
‘I’m asking you to forgive Justin, the youngster who broke your vase.’
Mr. Lee looked at the Lord and immediately anger filled his heart as he remembered what had happened. ‘No …no…I won’t do that, I won’t forgive that fool. He broke the vase that was so dear to me and my wife, and he wasn’t even seems guilty about it at all. I won’t forgive him. Never.’
‘Yuan Bing, how do you know that he was not guilty? Did you know his heart? And why do you still harboring the lost of Li Xiang, your wife, when you should have been comforted long ago. Surely you know, she is back here with me and one day you will meet again. Why then are you still harboring about it?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know God, but all I know I feel so lonely ever since she went away and that vase was the only thing that reminds me of her, and now that it was broken, it hurts. It hurts me like the day I lost her and knowing that it was broken by someone else instead of me, it hurts me even more. It just hurts so badly that it seems so absurd if you want me to forgive him.’ Mr. Lee said in tears this time.
The Lord looked at him and said ‘I understand how you feel towards your wife Yuan Bing. But I want you to accept the fact and get over your sadness. Surely, you know personally that having or not having that vase, you still have to accept the fact that she is gone for a long time now. And surely you know it is going to make her sad looking at you in this condition. She knows you love her very much, but she also wants you to be happy. Thus, get over your sadness and don’t get too work out over a vase, will you. You have a sick heart to take care of. That vase is just a vase, it won’t give you total healing of your loneliness. It is your faith that will heal you.’

‘I know God, but it is just so difficult to forgive someone who had hurt you so bad. It is just not easy to forgive someone who broke something so precious to me.’ Yuan Bing said.
‘Come here.’ The Lord said offering his hand for Mr. Lee ‘There’s something I want to show you.’
Mr. Lee gets up slowly and with the support of the Lord’s arm, he walked as if he never needed his stick at all.

They walked past several rooms with invisible golden doors which were filled with angels who were busy with their duties. Some angels were busy accepting letters, some angels monitoring and some were busy conducting a group of choirs.
They walked for sometime before the Lord ushered him into an empty room with a large screen at the far end of the room.
‘What is this place?’ Mr. Lee asked looking around.
‘This is the room I used to watch over the earth and her people.’ The Lord replied and gesturing his hands, suddenly, the screen seems to project the condition of what is going on on earth. And on the screen Mr. Lee could see a lady who was sitting before a cot with her hands running down the soft blankets that was spread neatly over the small mattress.
The lady was a middle age, with her copper brown hair neatly tied in a pony tail. She was wearing an elf green sweater with white pants. From the side view, the lady looked beautiful despite her solemn brown eyes that were staring sadly on the cot.
‘She is Leon’s mother.’ The Lord said with a smile on His lip. ‘A very strong woman, I’m really touched by her faith.’ He explained.
‘What happened to Leon?’
‘He was knocked down by a car while chasing for his ball that was rolling to the middle of the road on Christmas Eve afternoon. The road was very slippery due to the heavy snow and despite of the driver’s attempt to break his car and his mother’s attempt to catch him, it failed and there goes our little Leon’s life.’ The Lord explained gently upon seeing Mr. Lee’s face clouded uncomfortably.
‘Then, did she able to get over it?’ he asked.
The Lord nodded.
‘You mean she forgave the driver who murdered her son?’
Another nod.
‘How did she do that? And why did she do that?’
‘By faith and because she knows it was an accident. Nobody’s at fault. She was hysterical at first, but soon, after much prayers and therapy, she was able to pull herself together. She even helped her husband to get over it. Like you, she used to harbor in her sadness and even blamed herself for not rescuing her son. But, later she learned to forgive herself as well as the driver who killed her son. It wasn’t easy. A lot of tears and emotional issues involved in the process, but at last, she managed to forgive him. Now, do you understand?’ The Lord asked looking at Yuan Bing as the picture became a blur. ‘The reason why I asked you to forgive Justin instead of your children?’
Mr. Lee looked at the Lord and nodded, ‘But I don’t feel like forgiving him God’ the stubborn old man said.
‘Yuan Bing, if a mother who lost her son could forgive the ‘murderer’ of her son, why can’t you forgive your man servant? Moreover, when it was just, well, a non living thing. (Because the Lord knows that the vase meant a lot for Mr. Lee and it wouldn’t be wise to say it’s just a vase)’
‘I know God, I know, but…’ Mr. Lee said somewhat reluctant.
‘Yuan Bing, I didn’t said you should forgive him immediately, but everyone deserves a second chance, don’t you think it is kind of unfair to just chased him away like that, and since tomorrow is Christmas, don’t you think it is better for you to calm yourself and have yourself a Merry little Christmas? After all is the season to be joyful and to be forgiving isn’t it?’

‘I wasn’t you God, I can’t just forgive someone so easily as you did.’ Mr.Lee said insisting to let the God to give in to him.
‘Who told you it was an easy thing for me to forgive you or all the people who had done so many sins in their lives? Remember God is just like you people, I have feelings too. I can get angry when I need to, I can be firm and strict when there’s some discipline need to be done. However, if I still have the heart to forgive and even send down my sons’ Jesus to be born on earth for the forgiveness of sins, then who are you to choose whom you want to forgive and not to forgive; when you yourself is a sinner?’ The Lord asked with a slightly different tone in the way He speaks.

Embarrassed, Mr. Lee realized he had been too selfish about his own feelings and behaving like a spoilt brat. As he thought twice about what the Lord said to him earlier, he realized he had went overboard to test God’s patient and questioned Him too much instead of believing in what he said.
As the Lord sensed what the old man was thinking, He said ‘Remember, you can do anything even to move a mountain if you just believe in your faith.’
Understood, Mr. Lee nodded and asked his final question ‘So, God now that I have understood all these, may I know if I’m dead?’
Mr. Lee’s sudden question made the Lord to laugh as he shook his head and said ‘No, you are not. And it’s time for you to be home.’ As He said the Lord stretched out His hand to guide him.
‘You mean I’m not dead?’ Mr. Lee asked frowning as he looked at himself which seems to be weightless. ‘then why am I arrived here in heaven?’ he asked
The Lord looked at him and smiled ‘That’s not for you to think about. I have my own secrets you know.’ He said winking at the confused old man. ‘Besides, it’s not your time yet. There’s still some things I want you to do in life.’
Hearing the words Mr. Lee frowned and asked ‘But, what can I do for you God? I’m old and no longer of any use to the world.’ He said sadly.
‘No. No one is ever too old to learn or teach something new to others, as long as you are willing. And remember, forgiving is a process of learning too. It may not be a simple thing to be done, but when you did it, the happiness you get is greater than any other happiness you had ever felt, and a more precious knowledge you had ever gained; a knowledge that not only touched your heart, but also others. So Yuan Bing, believe in yourself as I believe in you. Have faith.’ The Lord said his final words before everything seems to be a blur before the man’s eyes as his spirit is gently falling back down to earth.

‘Mr. Lee.’ a voice called out for a few times before it stopped upon seeing the old man’s eyes opening up. ‘Are you alright sir?’ the man asked worriedly as he examined his master who seemed to have lost conscious or fall to a deep sleep, he never knows.
‘Justin, what are you doing here?’ Mr. Lee asked upon seeing the young man in his room.
‘I… umm here to tell you how sorry I am once again for breaking your favorite vase sir.’ Justin said apologetically with his hands in his pocket as he fidgeted uncomfortably on where he stood. ‘I know you really love that vase, and I actually in the middle of polishing it, to make it even more shiny and presentable, when it got slipped out of my hands and crashed.’ He said feeling guilty and getting ready for another blow. ‘So, before I left, I really want to tell you how sorry I felt for breaking that vase.’ He said with a slight bow before turning to leave the room upon hearing nothing from his master. ‘I sir, honestly really love that vase myself too, as well as the story behind it.’ The young man said over his shoulder.

He was half way out of the room when Mr. Lee stopped him and said ‘Justin, I think I still need you to take care of the house tomorrow and for the days to come.’ The old man said clearing his throat, as he felt somewhat touched after learning the actual reason. ‘How do you know he didn’t feel guilty’ the words of the Lord seemed to echo in his mind as he looked at his man servant’s guilty gestures; and felt embarrassed for scolding him so fiercely earlier.

Justin could not believe his ears ran back into the room almost in a jump and asked happily ‘What did you said sir? You mean, I’m not fired anymore?’
Mr. Lee nodded with a curve on the corner of his lip upon seeing the youngster’s eyes sparkling so lively.
‘You mean it sir? I mean…Yes sir, I…thank you sir.’ Justin said stumbling in his own words. ‘But why did you do that sir? I thought you were so angry just now?’ he asked confused.
‘Because tomorrow is Christmas.’ Mr. Lee explained simply still leaving the man servant in suspense. ‘Anyway, I changed my mind.’ He said feeling that it will make a better explanation. ‘You better do a better job this time.’ He warned as the man servant turned to leave.
‘Yes sir. Definitely. Thank you very much, sir.’ Justin said leaping happily as he left the room dancing away.

As he sat alone in his room once again, Mr. Lee looked up to the ceiling as he whispered ‘I did it God. I can’t believe I did it, and it did felt so good to be able to forgive and see the happy look on someone else’s face. How I wished I could see those faces more often…’ As the old man continued to pray for himself, others and make himself more motivated and alive, he had actually made the Lord to smile.

The End


Done by: Yuliana Kasman

15th Dec 2008