Reading.
Knitting.
Writing.
Singing.
Dancing.
Walking alone.
Listening to songs.
Going to the Library.
Sitting by the couch of the library and reading one books after another for hours.
Walking up and down the aisles of the Library bookshelves and trace my fingers along the many titles found in the shelves.
These are my favourite things.
To be able to wake up in the morning to the sound of nothing but the quietness of the morning sun shining into the house, brightening up the whole room; sipping a cup of coffee while thinking of nothing but being in the presence of God and with God.
Praying.
Reading the bible.
Meditating it.
Re-read. And re-read. And re-phrasing it in my mind...the beauty of God's words...
These are my favourite things.
To embrace the morning sun with a good smile and with squinted eyes looking at it bravely as I stand staring at the sun to capture the best moment of it's ray shining.
These are my favourite things.
To sit in front of a musical notes and moving my fingers up and down the piano keyboards.
Practising the same songs over and over and over and over again till the right tune came into sound.
To discover how I should positioned my hands appropriately so as to make a good soothing sound without making a single pause of unneccessary stacato...
These are my favourite things.
To hear the sounds of my favourite singers singing their best songs out and soothingly over the speaker.
To be lost in the power of their voices and floats away in the mist of their souls.
These are my favourite things
To read as many books as I can.
Finding myself loving nothing but the book that I am reading.
To get lost in the characters, and plots and settings.
Laughing now and then as the author played around with their words creatively.
These are my favourtite things.
But before I know it, somewhere in time, I had found myself losing touch with these things that I love the most. When and How I didnt know. But some part of me had been missing all these things that I have been doing and just like a big hole in my heart, something seems to swallow it all away.
Of all the things that I love to do.
I miss writing the most.
To write. And to re-write.
To read and re-write whenever is applicable.
To think of the best words to descript something without using repetition.
I miss writing the most.
It seems like my brain had turned so dull and empty that nothing came out of me each time I want to write.
I miss writing my fiction.
I miss writing my captions.
I miss writing my own creations of words, phrases, plots, characters, dialogues...
Damn I miss my writing.
I miss my reading.
I wish I can write again.
I wish I can write the way I've written again.
Written by,
Ana
Monday, November 5, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Peace
T
I
M
E
It is ticking. Running.
Not turning back.
U
S
We continue chasing, running, meeting up with the time.
If we grabbed it too well, we got sick off it.
But when we lose grip of it, we regret it.
P
A
T
I
E
N
C
E
Is built with time.
Over time.
All the time.
I've been running like an outdated machine among the many new ones.
Ticking. ticking. ticking.
Running and stumbling.
Only to find that time is wearing out and patience is getting out of the line.
Then...
F
E
A
R
Came to mind.
all the questions of what if and how or what can I... cropped up in my mind.
They talked and I talked and we talked.
But nothing seems to make sense to me.
Then...
I
N
T
E
L
L
I
G
E
N
C
E
Sparks up into one of them, and then accompanied by
K
I
N
D
N
E
S
S
It brings about a clearer picture as what is going on in this grilling mill we are circling about.
And then with INITIATIVE, responsibility an act of KINDNESS was produced.
Once it Kindness had took place, for a moment,
T
I
M
E
Becomes apparent once again. Except that unlike the earlier stage whereby it is running heartlessly on its own, it slows itself down.
And then the rest of the nerves too calms itself down.
Then...
P
E
A
C
E
that surpassed all fears and uncertainties engulfed me, letting me to see that sparks of kindness that in that split seconds had transformed itself into a huge impact such as peace.
Thank God for peace.
Thank God for kindness.
Without all these I wont be able to do anything.
Thank you Lord.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
I
M
E
It is ticking. Running.
Not turning back.
U
S
We continue chasing, running, meeting up with the time.
If we grabbed it too well, we got sick off it.
But when we lose grip of it, we regret it.
P
A
T
I
E
N
C
E
Is built with time.
Over time.
All the time.
I've been running like an outdated machine among the many new ones.
Ticking. ticking. ticking.
Running and stumbling.
Only to find that time is wearing out and patience is getting out of the line.
Then...
F
E
A
R
Came to mind.
all the questions of what if and how or what can I... cropped up in my mind.
They talked and I talked and we talked.
But nothing seems to make sense to me.
Then...
I
N
T
E
L
L
I
G
E
N
C
E
Sparks up into one of them, and then accompanied by
K
I
N
D
N
E
S
S
It brings about a clearer picture as what is going on in this grilling mill we are circling about.
And then with INITIATIVE, responsibility an act of KINDNESS was produced.
Once it Kindness had took place, for a moment,
T
I
M
E
Becomes apparent once again. Except that unlike the earlier stage whereby it is running heartlessly on its own, it slows itself down.
And then the rest of the nerves too calms itself down.
Then...
P
E
A
C
E
that surpassed all fears and uncertainties engulfed me, letting me to see that sparks of kindness that in that split seconds had transformed itself into a huge impact such as peace.
Thank God for peace.
Thank God for kindness.
Without all these I wont be able to do anything.
Thank you Lord.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
One year
A year ago, the moment I had submitted my final year projects and was announced to be one of the student's graduating, I have decided to take a 1 year break.
Seems like a long break, but actually it is not in compared to the amount of years spent studying and educating.
throughout this 1 year of alienating with myself from any responsibilities, i have been glad to learn that along the way I had been able to mastered and enjoyed myself to the fullest by doing things I love to do.
Piano lesson for example.
Although I won't say that it was all too perfect for me, but I was glad to learn that within that 1 year i was given the opportunity to learn more in depth and practice like i had never practiced before. At the same time, allow myself some room for exploration into playing master pieces like Mozart's Twinkle Little Stars or Canon in C major.
I was glad that throughout those times used to practice, I was able to get myself better-ly acquainted with sight readings and piano theory.
Besides that, I was also given the time to mastered up my sewing skills where I made for myself many felted products from plush toys to food; while at the same time allowing myself to experience with colours and fabrics. I wont say that I am a very artistic person, but with the projects of felt that I am involved in, I was surprised and glad to learn that at times when artistic side is needed, it came out of me as an instinct.
Along the way, I was also given the opportunity to serve God.
Involved myself in more than one ministries, while at the same time continue to live a Godly characteristics outside church environment.
There was the opportunity to pray and shared love to those people less fortunate than I am when I involved in a volunteer work at Red Cross Home for the Disabled with Youth Fellowship.
There was also time where I learnt to share skills I've learnt in school to those older generations who had difficulties in understanding the computer during my one month service with CPF. While at the same time exercised patience and firmness at times when tempted. On the other hand, also allowing some room for friendship and love during the festive season of Christmas.
I guess, though it seems like a one year seemingly fruitless year in other's point of view, but to me, there are more to it than the eyes can see.
Throughout this one year, I learnt that I am getting ever more closely to God too.
A routine daily quiet time every night while at the same time taking an extra mile to read the bible ever more detailed.
And the time taken to pray for those who need His love.
Time to share the words of God to those who need it but unfortunately haven't got the answer.
There were also time to be joyful when a prayer is answered.
Or when a soul decided to believe in God.
When I was given the ability to share the words of God not by my own words, but God's spirit through my mouth.
Then at times when other friends were tempted, learnt to be a good encourager/ listening ears.
At times when a friend is tempted and fall, before they fallen in too deep, learnt to pick them up and stabled them back on the ground God had set for them.
Learnt to love despite the sinful nature of other's actions.
Learnt to be humble when being taught.
There were also times when I myself doubted God and got myself wearied because of the expectations of getting a job etc. etc.
Fear of the unknown and doubt for the future.
Blinded by expectation and hasty in making decision.
Impatient to step out of God's plan to wait.
Fortunately, God is kind and patient towards my every actions, and each day He moulded me again and again to see what He is seeing. To wait as He desired.
To act as He intended to.
To be wise according to His eyes and not my owns.
And most of all, to surrender as a true disciples surrender to God's plan and perfect WILL!
Along the way I was also given friends who loves me and prayed for me constantly.
Helped me to pick up my load at times when the road seems hard to walk by.
Friends who is ever so willing to be by my side and hear me of my rantings and worries.
Friends who is ever so loving as to provide me comforts and joy.
Friends who is ever so lovely as to share the burden of fear/ worry/ and excitement each time an application of resumes and CVs were sent out.
And each time the letters sent failed to return, they were ready to pick me up and brushed me off the negative thoughts that began to swirl in my brain.
These I would refer to as the greatest blessings in my life of 1 year expedition in search for the next step.
To feel God and see Him through people around me who acts like Him.
There was also the amazing opportunities to be involved in the pilgrim to visit God's once dwelling places, Israel.
A nation chosen by God to serve Him.
It was a blessing to experience what the biblical characters experienced before when making their way out of Egypt and into the promising land. And to walk the road Jesus once walked through.
His birth place.
His churches, where it was once used as the places Jesus preached and teach.
As well as His sufferings as he walked down the road to Calvary.
All these I will say is once again, a blessing.
And of course, last but not least, just as the 1 year is up, as if He knows it already, A Job is here for me to do His service apart from church.
Thank God for His ever wonderful blessings and I pray that I will do my part as worker 'of God' wherever I am being placed.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
Seems like a long break, but actually it is not in compared to the amount of years spent studying and educating.
throughout this 1 year of alienating with myself from any responsibilities, i have been glad to learn that along the way I had been able to mastered and enjoyed myself to the fullest by doing things I love to do.
Piano lesson for example.
Although I won't say that it was all too perfect for me, but I was glad to learn that within that 1 year i was given the opportunity to learn more in depth and practice like i had never practiced before. At the same time, allow myself some room for exploration into playing master pieces like Mozart's Twinkle Little Stars or Canon in C major.
I was glad that throughout those times used to practice, I was able to get myself better-ly acquainted with sight readings and piano theory.
Besides that, I was also given the time to mastered up my sewing skills where I made for myself many felted products from plush toys to food; while at the same time allowing myself to experience with colours and fabrics. I wont say that I am a very artistic person, but with the projects of felt that I am involved in, I was surprised and glad to learn that at times when artistic side is needed, it came out of me as an instinct.
Along the way, I was also given the opportunity to serve God.
Involved myself in more than one ministries, while at the same time continue to live a Godly characteristics outside church environment.
There was the opportunity to pray and shared love to those people less fortunate than I am when I involved in a volunteer work at Red Cross Home for the Disabled with Youth Fellowship.
There was also time where I learnt to share skills I've learnt in school to those older generations who had difficulties in understanding the computer during my one month service with CPF. While at the same time exercised patience and firmness at times when tempted. On the other hand, also allowing some room for friendship and love during the festive season of Christmas.
I guess, though it seems like a one year seemingly fruitless year in other's point of view, but to me, there are more to it than the eyes can see.
Throughout this one year, I learnt that I am getting ever more closely to God too.
A routine daily quiet time every night while at the same time taking an extra mile to read the bible ever more detailed.
And the time taken to pray for those who need His love.
Time to share the words of God to those who need it but unfortunately haven't got the answer.
There were also time to be joyful when a prayer is answered.
Or when a soul decided to believe in God.
When I was given the ability to share the words of God not by my own words, but God's spirit through my mouth.
Then at times when other friends were tempted, learnt to be a good encourager/ listening ears.
At times when a friend is tempted and fall, before they fallen in too deep, learnt to pick them up and stabled them back on the ground God had set for them.
Learnt to love despite the sinful nature of other's actions.
Learnt to be humble when being taught.
There were also times when I myself doubted God and got myself wearied because of the expectations of getting a job etc. etc.
Fear of the unknown and doubt for the future.
Blinded by expectation and hasty in making decision.
Impatient to step out of God's plan to wait.
Fortunately, God is kind and patient towards my every actions, and each day He moulded me again and again to see what He is seeing. To wait as He desired.
To act as He intended to.
To be wise according to His eyes and not my owns.
And most of all, to surrender as a true disciples surrender to God's plan and perfect WILL!
Along the way I was also given friends who loves me and prayed for me constantly.
Helped me to pick up my load at times when the road seems hard to walk by.
Friends who is ever so willing to be by my side and hear me of my rantings and worries.
Friends who is ever so loving as to provide me comforts and joy.
Friends who is ever so lovely as to share the burden of fear/ worry/ and excitement each time an application of resumes and CVs were sent out.
And each time the letters sent failed to return, they were ready to pick me up and brushed me off the negative thoughts that began to swirl in my brain.
These I would refer to as the greatest blessings in my life of 1 year expedition in search for the next step.
To feel God and see Him through people around me who acts like Him.
There was also the amazing opportunities to be involved in the pilgrim to visit God's once dwelling places, Israel.
A nation chosen by God to serve Him.
It was a blessing to experience what the biblical characters experienced before when making their way out of Egypt and into the promising land. And to walk the road Jesus once walked through.
His birth place.
His churches, where it was once used as the places Jesus preached and teach.
As well as His sufferings as he walked down the road to Calvary.
All these I will say is once again, a blessing.
And of course, last but not least, just as the 1 year is up, as if He knows it already, A Job is here for me to do His service apart from church.
Thank God for His ever wonderful blessings and I pray that I will do my part as worker 'of God' wherever I am being placed.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
A Shepherd's Love
Love. It can's be force and that means it is automatic.
One day a sheep sat with his back against the rest of his flock and his shepherd.
From where he stood, The Shepherd could see the little small figure that curled into a ball.
It was not a regular thing that a sheep flee off his flock, yet so close to the pack.
The Shepherd, scanning the entire field with his experienced eyes, and after ensuring that no possible danger nearby, decided to leave the flock to bring the little 'lost' one home.
Little Sheep who sensed the presenced of his shepherd's steps coming closer, began to shift in his seat.
"Why are you here?" The Shepherd asked gently.
Ashamed and guilt striken, Little Sheep covered his face with his forelimb.
Then after a while, he began to sobs.
The Shepherd turning over his shoulder to ensure (once again) that the rest of his sheeps are in good pastures, then sat himself comfortably beside the crying sheep.
Little Sheep waited for his shepherd to say something.
A scolding.
Or a word of discipline.
But the Shepherd said none.
He just sat quitely beside His sheep with his staff in his hand.
Calming himself, Little Sheep dared himself to look at his Shepherd.
"Are you..." he stammered. "Are you not going to scold me?" he asked.
His shepherd, with a gentle smile on his face shook his head.
"But why not?" Little Sheep asked standing on all four. "But I was tempted. I was lost. I...I stepped out of the flock without permission and got myself poisoned because of the other grass. I...I disobeyed your rules, Master, then...why didnt you scold me?"
The Shepherd, smiling as he listened to his sheep's explanation nodded in agreement.
"Don't you not understand?" He asked looking at his sheep.
Little Sheep pondered the question for a while and then with two innocent eyes stared at his Shepherd blankly.
"Unlike the other sheeps we lost along the way because they refused to return when they had tasted the other grass, you returned."
Little Sheep tilted his head, "You mean?"
The Shepherd nodded.
"You understood your fault. And there's nothing I need to say to scold you."
Little Sheep looked at his shepherd before he threw a glance at his flocks.
"You mean...I am still part of the team?"
The Shepherd smiles.
"There is nothing better than to see my sheep coming back to me. Especially when they do it on their own.'
Little Sheep's face lit up at the approval of his master, but then, remembering what he had done, his face began to gloom.
"But...I am greyed. The poison had made my wool turned to grey. The others...they...they might made fun of me. And the predators, they may recognized me and eat me up."
"Little Sheep." The Shepherd called out sternly but kindly. "don't you want to be white again?" He asked.
Staring at the grey wools around his skin, Little Sheep nodded.
"Then stay close to Me. I'll make you as white as the others."
Little Grey Sheep with sparkles and tears in his eyes leapt with joy to the open arms of His Good Shepherd who then carried him on His shoulder as they walked towards the waiting flock.
"I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Jesus Christ (Luke 15:7)
~The End~
Story Written by:
Yuliana Kasman
Life at its Best
There is nothing better than a great musician singing a great songs with a great lyrics, when one is down, to soothes and calm the whole psychotic mood.
Posting shit in my blog.
Not my type.
But for the benefit of the great things that had helped me to overcome all the suckiness of life, I am going to make this post a lil different than usual.
It was 1 week before my official working days, and I have been kept busy as if I have been working all my life already.
Not that I don't enjoy it.
But everything is so messy and quick and fast that for a moment I am wondering now, what the hell have I been doing?
Not to mentioned the unnessary things that had happened to some of my silly friends which led them stumbled and astrayed.
Moreover the endless redudant/ probably unachievable expectation that continue to pile up.
And analysing and analysing endless people who just refuses to make a change in their life.
At times like this I really think that the observation made by Eccletiates is really true.
All these are meaningless.
To build and to build and re-build for many years only to be ruined in one night.
Or to think and to re-think and to change and make a change only to be slashed in one event.
These are all meaningless.
Thankfully, God who is meaningful, stays meaningful and always meaningful.
And He gave me the opportunity to see the menings in life out of the ugliness of the world that are menaingless. One day it will perish anyway.
Just like David who loves to dwells in His dwelling place and prefer to stay in His court for one day than to spend thousand days elsewhere; I rather be like that too.
To stay in His dwelling place and be His gatekeeper rather than standing in the tent of the wicked.
How I wish to stay in His presence forever.
And thanks be to God for he is worthy of praise, and His covenant endures forever.
For at times when life seems like hell, He gave me things that are worth worshipping.
The beauty of a talented singer/song writer that I am able to come across for example.
He is like Ruth in the middle of the corrupted monarchy of the Israelites 2000 years ago.
A flower that blooms among the thorns of life.
Bringing beauty and comfort and peace to the seemingly meaningless life.
And with the creativity of his writing skills, he brought with him a song that seems to bring life and beauty.
What a great gift.
A blessing.
Then again at times when life seems to tiring to move on, a prayer request was given on the card that I am glad to feel the stillness of life.
Sometimes, it is also better when we live far away from our gadgets.
Putting on my handphone to silent mode.
I couldn't careless of what's happening in there.
For once, I feel life is more meaningful. Because time is being spent properly, fruitfully and slowly treassured.
How often do we neglected the sense of time.
Too busy to the point that time seems so short to eat.
Or too rush to the point that 24 hours is not enough.
Time was taken too quickly that the next thing you know, another weeks had passed. Then months, then years.
And when we re-collect everything, we realized that all our lives, we dedicated it to others.
Not bad, but what do we feel?
More often then not, emptiness.
Obligation.
Habitual response.
What about Enjoyment?
Rejoice?
or Gladness?
When all these things are none, it is no wonder life seems so lifeless. Empty. Meaningless.
Prayerfully, despite all the crazy things in life, everyone still take a time to pray.
To stop.
To think.
To laugh.
To love.
To be glad.
To be joyful.
To be true, at least to themselves.
And take a time to enjoy life sincerely.
L&P
Me :)
Posting shit in my blog.
Not my type.
But for the benefit of the great things that had helped me to overcome all the suckiness of life, I am going to make this post a lil different than usual.
It was 1 week before my official working days, and I have been kept busy as if I have been working all my life already.
Not that I don't enjoy it.
But everything is so messy and quick and fast that for a moment I am wondering now, what the hell have I been doing?
Not to mentioned the unnessary things that had happened to some of my silly friends which led them stumbled and astrayed.
Moreover the endless redudant/ probably unachievable expectation that continue to pile up.
And analysing and analysing endless people who just refuses to make a change in their life.
At times like this I really think that the observation made by Eccletiates is really true.
All these are meaningless.
To build and to build and re-build for many years only to be ruined in one night.
Or to think and to re-think and to change and make a change only to be slashed in one event.
These are all meaningless.
Thankfully, God who is meaningful, stays meaningful and always meaningful.
And He gave me the opportunity to see the menings in life out of the ugliness of the world that are menaingless. One day it will perish anyway.
Just like David who loves to dwells in His dwelling place and prefer to stay in His court for one day than to spend thousand days elsewhere; I rather be like that too.
To stay in His dwelling place and be His gatekeeper rather than standing in the tent of the wicked.
How I wish to stay in His presence forever.
And thanks be to God for he is worthy of praise, and His covenant endures forever.
For at times when life seems like hell, He gave me things that are worth worshipping.
The beauty of a talented singer/song writer that I am able to come across for example.
He is like Ruth in the middle of the corrupted monarchy of the Israelites 2000 years ago.
A flower that blooms among the thorns of life.
Bringing beauty and comfort and peace to the seemingly meaningless life.
And with the creativity of his writing skills, he brought with him a song that seems to bring life and beauty.
What a great gift.
A blessing.
Then again at times when life seems to tiring to move on, a prayer request was given on the card that I am glad to feel the stillness of life.
Sometimes, it is also better when we live far away from our gadgets.
Putting on my handphone to silent mode.
I couldn't careless of what's happening in there.
For once, I feel life is more meaningful. Because time is being spent properly, fruitfully and slowly treassured.
How often do we neglected the sense of time.
Too busy to the point that time seems so short to eat.
Or too rush to the point that 24 hours is not enough.
Time was taken too quickly that the next thing you know, another weeks had passed. Then months, then years.
And when we re-collect everything, we realized that all our lives, we dedicated it to others.
Not bad, but what do we feel?
More often then not, emptiness.
Obligation.
Habitual response.
What about Enjoyment?
Rejoice?
or Gladness?
When all these things are none, it is no wonder life seems so lifeless. Empty. Meaningless.
Prayerfully, despite all the crazy things in life, everyone still take a time to pray.
To stop.
To think.
To laugh.
To love.
To be glad.
To be joyful.
To be true, at least to themselves.
And take a time to enjoy life sincerely.
L&P
Me :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Blogging!!!!
BLOGGING!!!!!!!!
Guess that will be my opening for today's post. LOL.
Let's see how long have I not been posting?
Since March! Not including the fictional stories I've posted for entertainment.
WOW!
Anyway, where should I start?
Many things had happened. And when I said that, it really means, Many many.
A lot of things.
First of, probably the 2 good news that I have not been posting.
1. I'm finally back on the road to study again!!!! and though it was just a 6 times courses, but unlike any other courses I've ever attended, I believe this course is going to be a life-changing (or rather it has been) learning experience for me not only for the time being, or at a specific time or a place, but for anywhere, anytime, all my life!
And that course is.....OLD TESTAMENT SURVEY 1! conducted by Singapore Bible College for lay-christians to deepen, rooten, improven their biblical knowledge.
And I am so glad that after many many moments of thinking and planning and discussing (with my parents) and wondering and questionings, FINALLY!!! I am able to send in my application online and in a few hours time, an email sent back to me to say that my registration is APPROVED! (Praise the Lord!)
And then, then then...after finally making all the required readings for what is expected for the class, when it's going to start etc. etc. I am currently on my forth week and lesson with the school!
So, I am really looking forward to my next class this coming thursday.
2. Next biggy news that happened, a few weeks ago, I was offered a job vacancy at Raffles Hospital as the company's International Patient Centre. I was leaping with glee at the sound of the offer as I am seriously, desperately in need of work right now, well not because I am broke, though some part of it is true. But it is also because I rather be working and enhance some more skills before all my skills learned in school are all gone and forgotten.
And also, with the salary I earned, I will be able to 'feed' myself with the payment of my next semester's course which will begin somewhere in september. So the idea of me paying my own thing with my own money, vavavooom!!! just sounds pretty cool and amazing.
Especially when it is meant for a good payment. :) ;)
Coming close after that, huahaha I just got myself a nice phone with a nice camera lens and as a result....NICE PICTURES! Thus, for my second trip to Medan this year, I was more than elated when I saw all the pictures taken with my long distance families looked so damn AMAAAAZING!!!!
And just for your record, the phone is called Samsung Galaxy III.
Talking about Medan...heee it won't be too far away from knitting.
This year, for my knitting projects :) :) :) I have been glad that I was able to make a beautiful two colours beannie for my baby Cousin.
It was done with bella baby (sugar) 4 ply yarn
100% Australian wool
with 4mm circular needles
and
A pattern which I design myself.
hahaha.
Guess all knitters would be able to make this anyway. so save that part.
Anyway, just glad that I was able to make a beannie. And how easy it was to make a circle with the 'MAGIC' circular needles!
Like seriously, I really thanked whoever invented the circular needles as it makes knitting so much fun and easier.
Besides making a successful hat which was welcomed with open hands and blissful smile, I am also glad to learn and mastered up the technique of making sweet booties for the little cherubs.
The pattern was designed by my aunt and mentor (who taught me how to knit) and I was glad that for the one week trip to Medan, I was able to learn up one more skills. :)
For this booties, I made use of a wool blend yarn from bella baby, with 50% Merino and 50% Polymide.
Overall pattern was done in Garter Stitch and the bow was done using crochet (chain) method.
Knitting is soooooooo fun!
And I hope that if I really am accepted to work in the hospital, I will be able to send some of my knitted products for some patients who need it to keep their babies warm. Or even sharing some love for the children-cancer patients to keep their heads warm and stylish.
HMMM...guess that's gonna be all for today's post.
Hopefully I will come back again for more updates.
Take care now. Bye Bye then. :)
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
Guess that will be my opening for today's post. LOL.
Let's see how long have I not been posting?
Since March! Not including the fictional stories I've posted for entertainment.
WOW!
Anyway, where should I start?
Many things had happened. And when I said that, it really means, Many many.
A lot of things.
First of, probably the 2 good news that I have not been posting.
1. I'm finally back on the road to study again!!!! and though it was just a 6 times courses, but unlike any other courses I've ever attended, I believe this course is going to be a life-changing (or rather it has been) learning experience for me not only for the time being, or at a specific time or a place, but for anywhere, anytime, all my life!
And that course is.....OLD TESTAMENT SURVEY 1! conducted by Singapore Bible College for lay-christians to deepen, rooten, improven their biblical knowledge.
And I am so glad that after many many moments of thinking and planning and discussing (with my parents) and wondering and questionings, FINALLY!!! I am able to send in my application online and in a few hours time, an email sent back to me to say that my registration is APPROVED! (Praise the Lord!)
And then, then then...after finally making all the required readings for what is expected for the class, when it's going to start etc. etc. I am currently on my forth week and lesson with the school!
So, I am really looking forward to my next class this coming thursday.
2. Next biggy news that happened, a few weeks ago, I was offered a job vacancy at Raffles Hospital as the company's International Patient Centre. I was leaping with glee at the sound of the offer as I am seriously, desperately in need of work right now, well not because I am broke, though some part of it is true. But it is also because I rather be working and enhance some more skills before all my skills learned in school are all gone and forgotten.
And also, with the salary I earned, I will be able to 'feed' myself with the payment of my next semester's course which will begin somewhere in september. So the idea of me paying my own thing with my own money, vavavooom!!! just sounds pretty cool and amazing.
Especially when it is meant for a good payment. :) ;)
Coming close after that, huahaha I just got myself a nice phone with a nice camera lens and as a result....NICE PICTURES! Thus, for my second trip to Medan this year, I was more than elated when I saw all the pictures taken with my long distance families looked so damn AMAAAAZING!!!!
And just for your record, the phone is called Samsung Galaxy III.
Talking about Medan...heee it won't be too far away from knitting.
This year, for my knitting projects :) :) :) I have been glad that I was able to make a beautiful two colours beannie for my baby Cousin.
It was done with bella baby (sugar) 4 ply yarn 100% Australian wool
with 4mm circular needles
and
A pattern which I design myself.
hahaha.
Guess all knitters would be able to make this anyway. so save that part.
Anyway, just glad that I was able to make a beannie. And how easy it was to make a circle with the 'MAGIC' circular needles!
Like seriously, I really thanked whoever invented the circular needles as it makes knitting so much fun and easier.
Besides making a successful hat which was welcomed with open hands and blissful smile, I am also glad to learn and mastered up the technique of making sweet booties for the little cherubs.
The pattern was designed by my aunt and mentor (who taught me how to knit) and I was glad that for the one week trip to Medan, I was able to learn up one more skills. :)
For this booties, I made use of a wool blend yarn from bella baby, with 50% Merino and 50% Polymide.
Overall pattern was done in Garter Stitch and the bow was done using crochet (chain) method.
Knitting is soooooooo fun!
And I hope that if I really am accepted to work in the hospital, I will be able to send some of my knitted products for some patients who need it to keep their babies warm. Or even sharing some love for the children-cancer patients to keep their heads warm and stylish.
HMMM...guess that's gonna be all for today's post.
Hopefully I will come back again for more updates.
Take care now. Bye Bye then. :)
Love and Peace,
Yuliana
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Troublemaker (A Fiction)
“Mike, gosh what have you been doing? Have you gotten yourself into a fight again?” Ellie asked looking at her boy friend’s rugged appearance.
“Nope. I just jumped out of the bed.”
He said combing his messy hair with his fingers.
Ellie looked at him sceptically then
rolled her eyes.
“Hey! Seriously, I’ve just came out of
the bed. Actually I don’t even want to wake up but then I remember about our meeting
and so I jerked out of the bed and pulled out a clean shirt and, you see, I
don’t even have time to dry my hair because I know I will be late if I do.”
Mike lied.
Ellie stopped walking to look at him
“yeah right!” she said before she continues to walk ignoring him and his lies.
She knows that he is lying, because he always use the same reason whenever he
is late for their meeting up because of a fight.
“Can you slow down?” Mike said running
forward. “I know you are a sprinter, but I thought we are supposed to be having
fun together today. Why are you walking so fast?” he asked wrapping his arms
around her when they finally walk side by side.
“You just ruin my mood that’s why it’s
not fun anymore.” She said shaking his arm away from her shoulder.
“Look, I’m sorry alright.” Mike
apologised. “I didn’t’ mean to get myself into a fight, its just…it always
happen I don’t know why.” He said shrugging.
Ellie stared at him with another ‘yeah right’ looked and sighed.
“Here, wipe it off” she said referring
to the blood stain at the corner of his lips.
Mike touched the placed where he had
been punched earlier and lick his lips, “damn, it hurts.” He said as Ellie
pressed her tissue on the injury. “Can’t you be gentler?” he asked taking the
tissue from her.
“Serve you right.” She said looking at
him as he gave his swollen lip a gentle rub. “Who are you fighting with this
time?”
“Who else’ Mike said putting the
tissue away.
“Dexter? Again?’ Ellie asked frowning.
“What’s up with you two?”
“He starts it first.’
“Oh really?’
“Like duh. All the time.”
“Who provokes him first? If you did
not dunk his face into his bowl of cereal that day, you don’t need to be hated
by him.”
Mike laughed at the explanation. “But isn’t it funny? He and his bald head inside
the bowl, it was hilarious. Everyone was laughing at him. That was amazing!”
Mike remarked on his troublemaking action in the school’s canteen the month
before.
“You are such a jerk Mike.” Ellie said
annoyed. “I don’t even know why we can be best friends in the first place.’ she
said sitting beside him.
“Well, maybe is because we are
unfortunately stuck in the same neighbourhood that’ why.”
‘No, I think is because the day I was
born, I was unlucky enough to see you lying beside my bed, as the baby boy born
to be my mom best friend’s son.
“So are you saying that you regret
being my childhood girl friend now?”
“I always regret it.”
“Damn you.” Mike said pushing her away
from him. ‘There go sit at the next bench. I don’t know you bitch.” He said
laughing.
“Shut up.” Ellie said laughing as she
gave him a nudge on the ribs.
“Ouch! That hurts. “Mike said annoyed.
He always gets annoyed whenever Ellie does that and as a guy as much as he
wants to hit her harder than that, he can’t.
He remembered last time, when they
were twelve and they were playing wrestling on the couch one rainy evening and
Ellie had nudged him hard as an act of defence, as he was pinning her too hard
on the couch, but misunderstood it as an attack, Mike actually hit her hard on
the face, leaving a blue black on her face the next day.
That was the time Mike realised that
as much as he loves boy’s play but he can’t do what he is always doing with his
boy mates when he is with Ellie. After all, she is not a boy.
Ever since that day, he tries to be
gentler to her even if she hits him too hard sometimes, and at other times,
when he feels that she has hits him over board, or teased him too much he will
just give her a pinch on the cheeks or squeeze the back of her neck and that
will annoys her and the teasing will end.
“What are you thinking?” Ellie asked
bringing him back to reality.
“Nothing.’ He said, “Are we just gonna
stay here, enjoying the breeze?’ he asked before he spotted another ‘enemy’
around the corner. “See who’s there.” He said pointing at the nearby café where
a couple is sitting. “Can you believe it? It’s that son of a bitch Jacob from
the basketball club.’
“His girlfriend is hot.’ Ellie said as
she saw the beautiful red head opposite him.
‘Nah, she is pale. I’ve seen her
before. Not as pretty as you think she is.”
“Don’t be mean.’
“I’m not. She is not that hot.
Seriously. Should I spoil their date?” Mike asked getting ready to mess things
up.
“No Mike you shouldn’t. Stop being
such a spoiler.” Ellie warned.
“Like you never know? I’m always the
troublemaker.’
“Enough fight for one day okay Mike.
You just got yourself swollen because of an unnecessary punch.”
“I can afford another one.”
Ellie looked at her boy friend and
shook her head.
“Do you want to see me in action?”
Mike asked getting excited.
“Mike! Enough okay!”
“Why are you so defensive? Oh is it
because Jacob used to like you in the past that’s why you feel hurtful for him
if I mess up his face?” Mike asked grinning ‘wickedly.’
“No, but can’t you just stop being a
jackass for once? He deserves a good date.’
Mike laughed at his friend’s annoyance
and decided to change his trouble-making strategy.
“Do you want me to get you a drink?”
He asked. ‘My treat for being late.” He offered.
Ellie not thinking what his best
friend is thinking nodded. “Can you get me a bottle of Snapple?’ she said
“where are you going to get it?”
Before she heard the response, Mike
turned and ran across the street and towards the direction of the café where Jacob
was, “Damn it!’ Ellie thought to herself knowingly. “Mike!” She shouted exasperatedly.
Mike laughed as he heard her desperate
call from the back. ‘Too late’ he thought to himself happily.
From the distance Ellie watched with
horror as she saw her best friend approaching Jacob’s table. ‘Please. Please.
Please.’ She prayed for the safety of Jacob’s girlfriend instead of Mike’s.
From where she stood she could see the
two boys talking and then Jacob introducing his girlfriend to Mike, then after
the introduction, they turned to look at her, who was still too shocked to move
and only afford an unnoticeable smile. Then they turned around again and their conversation ends.
“What did you say to him?” Ellie asked
the moment she saw Mike returned with a satisfied expression.
“I told him we are dating.” Mike said
laughing.
Ellie looked at him wide eyes.
“You should see his expression. He was
so dejected. Or I think he was. And you know what he whispered to me before I
left? He said ‘be good to her.’ I knew it! He still holds a torch for you.
Maybe they are going to break up tomorrow.” Mike said oblivious about Ellie’s
what-the-hell expression.
“MIKE!” Ellie shouted at him. “Can
you….arghhhh…’ Ellie shouted as she snatched the Snapple from him and walked
away.
“Ellie wait! Why are you so angry?
Hey…c’mon, it’s just a joke. He may not even break up tomorrow.”
“That’s not the point.”
‘Then what?”
“I don’t want to talk to you.” Ellie
said walking even further away from him.
“Hey wait up!” she could hear Mike
shouting behind her but she could not care less.
The
End
By and by:
Yuliana Kasman :)
Friday, March 30, 2012
Abbreviations (The World of Knitting)
k3,p3,C3B, alt, Dec. Inc.
These are some of the jargons or rather abbreviations used for knitters.
Just like musical scores that has their own aphebetical signifier, (Treble cleff as G key and Bass Cleff as F key/ F# as F sharp etc.) and HTML has their own codes, so is knitting patterns.
And the above are some of the examples of the frequently seen knitting abbreviations.
At first I found it a little alien reading them. Fortunately, after going through countless knitting magazines and references I found myself beginning to understand them a little.
Still in the middle of beginner going to intermidiate stage, I thank all the Japanese and Chinese Books/ References that provides charts instead of words for easier references, though I would say that the western references offer a number of brilliant patterns (Thus, the more I need to brush up with my knitting abbreviation skills). And all in all, I found myself ever so intrigued and amazed by the world of knitting.
Author such as Claire Crompton from her books Stitch Library and The Knitter's Bible had helped me a lot with the different possible patterns that I can make at my current stage. The book also allows me to be inspired by the various projects it offers. It is also through the exposure of this book that I am able to learn and read both patterns and abbreviations.
Besides her book, I had also borrowed a book by Potter Craft which entitles 400 Knitting Stitches which I believe will be a great guide for all beginner knit lovers. Just like Crompton's book, the book covers different forms of knitting patterns from the most basic moss stitch to the most complicated lace stitch or cable stitch, cross stitch etc. You name it.
Anyways, thanks to all these books, and several other books which is too long and too many to be named, I had been having a great time browsing and getting ideas for my next projects.
Currently I am into the world of short and sweet knitting projects, by saying that I mean, things that are easy and quick to make such as fingerless mittens (at least it is shorter and probably faster than shawls), or glass warmer/ leg warmer/ mufflers/ hand phone pouch.
Been finding sometime for the right measurement for handphone pouch as I was making one at the moment with my own scale lol. I hope I can find it and I hope mine is gonna turn out sweet :)
Well, without further ado, a sneak peak to some of the things I've done. Enjoy ;)
These two little things is a small shawl and bag like inspired 'project' that I did out of boredom today and yesterday.
Pretty glad that through the small shawl (yellow knit) I am able to exercise left-hand cable knits as well as a pattern of my own :) It really makes me smile when I see that the result is not too bad after all :) hehe.
The other one, the grey coloured knit, was another of my own invention with bag like inspired theme in mind. Happy that through this exercise I am able to practise casting off the proper way, using the crotchet hook, as well as practicing my mind with moss stitch design.
And this one right here is a shawl I am making for my mom, currently the length is already like an ancient scroll (haha) and since it is not done, so I'm not gonna show you yet. The best is yet to come savvy?
Anyway, it was done with a 5 mm needle and yarn from this brand Sirdar Click Aran with Wool (70% Arcrylic and 30% Wool) and it was the first project I did after I am able to knit properly.
And this one right here is my Christmas Inspired Maroon shawl.
Okay, I know Christmas is still far far away now, but, well who is not excited for Christmas? Everybody does and so do I, and so, I am just getting way too early.
Anyway, this is my first shawl and project that I knit myself and with cable knits.
Both shawls are still on the brink of the finishing line and I really hope that I can see the final result soon :)
Alright got to go, the time now is 12:52 a.m. and song of the day before I end my post is Samba Pa Ti by Guitarist Peter Pupping.
Good Night and see you in my next post :)
Love and Peace,
Yuliana :)
These are some of the jargons or rather abbreviations used for knitters.
Just like musical scores that has their own aphebetical signifier, (Treble cleff as G key and Bass Cleff as F key/ F# as F sharp etc.) and HTML has their own codes, so is knitting patterns.
And the above are some of the examples of the frequently seen knitting abbreviations.
At first I found it a little alien reading them. Fortunately, after going through countless knitting magazines and references I found myself beginning to understand them a little.
Still in the middle of beginner going to intermidiate stage, I thank all the Japanese and Chinese Books/ References that provides charts instead of words for easier references, though I would say that the western references offer a number of brilliant patterns (Thus, the more I need to brush up with my knitting abbreviation skills). And all in all, I found myself ever so intrigued and amazed by the world of knitting.
Author such as Claire Crompton from her books Stitch Library and The Knitter's Bible had helped me a lot with the different possible patterns that I can make at my current stage. The book also allows me to be inspired by the various projects it offers. It is also through the exposure of this book that I am able to learn and read both patterns and abbreviations.
Besides her book, I had also borrowed a book by Potter Craft which entitles 400 Knitting Stitches which I believe will be a great guide for all beginner knit lovers. Just like Crompton's book, the book covers different forms of knitting patterns from the most basic moss stitch to the most complicated lace stitch or cable stitch, cross stitch etc. You name it.
Anyways, thanks to all these books, and several other books which is too long and too many to be named, I had been having a great time browsing and getting ideas for my next projects.
Currently I am into the world of short and sweet knitting projects, by saying that I mean, things that are easy and quick to make such as fingerless mittens (at least it is shorter and probably faster than shawls), or glass warmer/ leg warmer/ mufflers/ hand phone pouch.
Been finding sometime for the right measurement for handphone pouch as I was making one at the moment with my own scale lol. I hope I can find it and I hope mine is gonna turn out sweet :)
Well, without further ado, a sneak peak to some of the things I've done. Enjoy ;)
Pretty glad that through the small shawl (yellow knit) I am able to exercise left-hand cable knits as well as a pattern of my own :) It really makes me smile when I see that the result is not too bad after all :) hehe.
The other one, the grey coloured knit, was another of my own invention with bag like inspired theme in mind. Happy that through this exercise I am able to practise casting off the proper way, using the crotchet hook, as well as practicing my mind with moss stitch design.
And this one right here is a shawl I am making for my mom, currently the length is already like an ancient scroll (haha) and since it is not done, so I'm not gonna show you yet. The best is yet to come savvy?
Anyway, it was done with a 5 mm needle and yarn from this brand Sirdar Click Aran with Wool (70% Arcrylic and 30% Wool) and it was the first project I did after I am able to knit properly.
And this one right here is my Christmas Inspired Maroon shawl.
Okay, I know Christmas is still far far away now, but, well who is not excited for Christmas? Everybody does and so do I, and so, I am just getting way too early.
Both shawls are still on the brink of the finishing line and I really hope that I can see the final result soon :)
Alright got to go, the time now is 12:52 a.m. and song of the day before I end my post is Samba Pa Ti by Guitarist Peter Pupping.
Good Night and see you in my next post :)
Love and Peace,
Yuliana :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Colourful Saturday
"Miss, wake up!" called out my maid as she entered our room and annouced her wake up call. "It's already 12:30p.m. you said you want to bake." she reminded.
Immediately, or maybe almost immediately, my sister and I jerked out of our parent's bed and got ourselves ready.
It was Saturday!
and with both our parents out of town and our elder sister, who does not really like baking, also away to run some personal errands, we, the Chip and Dale as my mom used to call us when we were a child, decided that it will be a PERFECT TIME to CONQUER the kitchen (which mostly belong to my mom, the BIG cook at home) with bakings! :9
Earlier my sister had looked out for macaroons recipe which she excitedly claimed to "try it this saturday" and I on the other hand who has always been fond of cupcakes, decided to bake one of those cutie.
So, on Friday Night, after we settled our personal meetings with our own friends and the movie night, we went to the supermarket and shop for baking needs! The only grocery chores I never find a bore.
Self-Raising flour (Checked)
Sugar (Checked)
Eggs( Checked)
Vanilla Extract (Checked)
Checked
Checked
And then, after happily checked and re-checked that all that we need is taken, we went home.
It was 1:30 plus plus plus, when we started to make our first trial of vanilla macaroon! :)
It was fun as we sifted, and grilled the almond ground, and icing sugar into one mixture, followed with the mixture of eggs and caster sugar, plus the food colouring which made us go crazy as the batter transformed into beautiful pastel pink and green. And last but not least, of course, the transfering of the batter into a pipping bag and the baking tray.
It took the macaroon about (I can't remember) 10 minutes/15 before it was fully set, and as we pulled it out of the oven, :DD :DD :DD!!!! a great fragrance of sweet vanilla filled the air. It was Amazing!
Then, after we filled it up with the filling, and had our first bite, (wooohhh) it was even more amazing! The feeling was just superb.
Follow up next, we got ourselves busy once again with the baking of my cupcakes.
As always, baking cupcake is a bliss! :) It was easy and quick.
So in a while, we are able to bake it, brought it out of the over, let it cool, and decorate the top of the cupcake with our beautiful cupcake frosting.
It was a little troublesome using the pipping bag though it was fun and cute when the ic swirled in place. But, as we were not expert, there were times when we had to re-do the frosting decor just so that our cupcakes look sweet and appealling.
It was almost 9 p.m. when we finished with everything, and you won't believe it man, the moment we sat down on our comfortable sofa, our butt just seems to stick on it.
We were so tired!!!!!!!! we didnt even realize it until we sat on the sofa and like, woohhh the whole hair is down.
Overall, it was a Colourful Saturday with many laughters and good, colourful food to brighten up the Weekend.
 |
| Our Macaroon |
It was Saturday!
and with both our parents out of town and our elder sister, who does not really like baking, also away to run some personal errands, we, the Chip and Dale as my mom used to call us when we were a child, decided that it will be a PERFECT TIME to CONQUER the kitchen (which mostly belong to my mom, the BIG cook at home) with bakings! :9
Earlier my sister had looked out for macaroons recipe which she excitedly claimed to "try it this saturday" and I on the other hand who has always been fond of cupcakes, decided to bake one of those cutie.
 | |
| Sweet cupcake cases |
So, on Friday Night, after we settled our personal meetings with our own friends and the movie night, we went to the supermarket and shop for baking needs! The only grocery chores I never find a bore.
Self-Raising flour (Checked)
Sugar (Checked)
Eggs( Checked)
Vanilla Extract (Checked)
Checked
Checked
And then, after happily checked and re-checked that all that we need is taken, we went home.
It was 1:30 plus plus plus, when we started to make our first trial of vanilla macaroon! :)
 |
| The colouful batter for macaroon |
 |
| Freshly baked cupcakes |
Then, after we filled it up with the filling, and had our first bite, (wooohhh) it was even more amazing! The feeling was just superb.
Follow up next, we got ourselves busy once again with the baking of my cupcakes.
As always, baking cupcake is a bliss! :) It was easy and quick.
So in a while, we are able to bake it, brought it out of the over, let it cool, and decorate the top of the cupcake with our beautiful cupcake frosting.
 |
| Tat's my Cupcake! |
It was almost 9 p.m. when we finished with everything, and you won't believe it man, the moment we sat down on our comfortable sofa, our butt just seems to stick on it.
We were so tired!!!!!!!! we didnt even realize it until we sat on the sofa and like, woohhh the whole hair is down.
Overall, it was a Colourful Saturday with many laughters and good, colourful food to brighten up the Weekend.
He had made me glad
The Beginning
A few weeks ago, when I looked at myself in front of the mirror, I got the biggest shock of my life!
I'M UGLY! like freaking ugly. with additional acnes around the temple of my face, and clogged up pores at my forehead, and...big big eye bags....it was horrible horrible.
Then I began to think of the factors that lead to such horrible state of mine. At first I thought it was the food consumed, indeed, I had been crazily feeding myself with chocolates after not getting in contact with the sinful indulgence for God knows when. Then comes the sleepless night which I spent most of it on my knitting :p.
However, despite listing out the possible factors, I realized that there is really something missing in here.
Something that I still unable to figure out why.
Until, I sat down on night (after finally putting away my knitting materials) and as I was starring at the ceiling, a thought struck into mind *TING*
It was then when I realized that the main reason for all that pathetic state of mine is because of my anxieties.
All sorts of anxieties from the fact that I have not been spending time with God, praying, what am I suppose to do next, to how long do I have to wait till I get a call for an interview. (Earlier on I had sent out a few resumes, and after re-writing and re-writing my cover letter, but unfortunately, there's still no call from the respective companies. Sadded. Yes I am.
So, that night, I began to pray.
Even then, I realized that my prayer is filled with prayers for other people instead of my own needs.
Indeed, I've learned about some of my friends who had been troubled with one thing or another, and thinking that since I've not been doing much lately, i can share their burdens; only to realize that well, I am not that tough myself.
And so that night I ranted out all my 'secrets' to God. And as always, I feel so much better.
Very much.
It was also during those time when I was reminded once again about how God knows our every needs and if only I take a time to listen to His calling, actually, He is everywhere around me, and there is no need for me to be afraid/ worried for He holds tomorrow. And just like father to his children, he knows when and what kind of things/ jobs that is going to come my way...if only I take a time to WAIT on His time instead of my own time.
Then when I see myself, I also realized how mnay times have I been putting away all my hobbies, or doing them for the sake of doing/ stress relieves instead of an enjoyment?
And it is no wonder, I dont feel joy in doing it. and though my hands are kntting a beautiful piece of scarf, but my heart is all empty and dissatisfied.
Fortunately, I get the message pretty quickly and without further ado, had been trying to enjoy myself once again. (Dont get me wrong though, not saying as to take advantage of time being unemployed. but well, at least still learn to count my blessings.)
And to think that it's going to be April, there is an Israel Trip to look forward to. A trip which I hope not only enable me to see the world, but also an opportunity to learn more about Jesus's hometown. Then there is Good Friday and Easter that is coming in about two weeks times and being a choir member of the church, maybe I should see this as an opportunity to serve Him with the Heart of Worship. Afterall this is my first time singing for the church on Good Friday and Easter.
And maybe, just a maybe, this is also God way of letting me serve him without worrying/ bothering about earthly things. And when I see it that way, it really made me feel so glad.
Love and peace,
Yuliana :)
A few weeks ago, when I looked at myself in front of the mirror, I got the biggest shock of my life!
I'M UGLY! like freaking ugly. with additional acnes around the temple of my face, and clogged up pores at my forehead, and...big big eye bags....it was horrible horrible.
Then I began to think of the factors that lead to such horrible state of mine. At first I thought it was the food consumed, indeed, I had been crazily feeding myself with chocolates after not getting in contact with the sinful indulgence for God knows when. Then comes the sleepless night which I spent most of it on my knitting :p.
However, despite listing out the possible factors, I realized that there is really something missing in here.
Something that I still unable to figure out why.
Until, I sat down on night (after finally putting away my knitting materials) and as I was starring at the ceiling, a thought struck into mind *TING*
It was then when I realized that the main reason for all that pathetic state of mine is because of my anxieties.
All sorts of anxieties from the fact that I have not been spending time with God, praying, what am I suppose to do next, to how long do I have to wait till I get a call for an interview. (Earlier on I had sent out a few resumes, and after re-writing and re-writing my cover letter, but unfortunately, there's still no call from the respective companies. Sadded. Yes I am.
So, that night, I began to pray.
Even then, I realized that my prayer is filled with prayers for other people instead of my own needs.
Indeed, I've learned about some of my friends who had been troubled with one thing or another, and thinking that since I've not been doing much lately, i can share their burdens; only to realize that well, I am not that tough myself.
And so that night I ranted out all my 'secrets' to God. And as always, I feel so much better.
Very much.
It was also during those time when I was reminded once again about how God knows our every needs and if only I take a time to listen to His calling, actually, He is everywhere around me, and there is no need for me to be afraid/ worried for He holds tomorrow. And just like father to his children, he knows when and what kind of things/ jobs that is going to come my way...if only I take a time to WAIT on His time instead of my own time.
Then when I see myself, I also realized how mnay times have I been putting away all my hobbies, or doing them for the sake of doing/ stress relieves instead of an enjoyment?
And it is no wonder, I dont feel joy in doing it. and though my hands are kntting a beautiful piece of scarf, but my heart is all empty and dissatisfied.
Fortunately, I get the message pretty quickly and without further ado, had been trying to enjoy myself once again. (Dont get me wrong though, not saying as to take advantage of time being unemployed. but well, at least still learn to count my blessings.)
And to think that it's going to be April, there is an Israel Trip to look forward to. A trip which I hope not only enable me to see the world, but also an opportunity to learn more about Jesus's hometown. Then there is Good Friday and Easter that is coming in about two weeks times and being a choir member of the church, maybe I should see this as an opportunity to serve Him with the Heart of Worship. Afterall this is my first time singing for the church on Good Friday and Easter.
And maybe, just a maybe, this is also God way of letting me serve him without worrying/ bothering about earthly things. And when I see it that way, it really made me feel so glad.
Love and peace,
Yuliana :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Titles Titles (For all book lovers!)
Hmmm..It's been sometime since I last visited a book store and bought myself a new book, LOL suddenly, all the book prices seems so frightening LOL. What to do? Been living a humble-cheapskate life-- whereby instead of buying I borrow it from the nearby library, haha yesterday I found myself, seriously having a difficult time in deciding whether or not to buy.
If it's not because the book is 'on loan' islandwide, maybe I will not even bought it.
Well hellow there! How r ya doing? Been sometime since the last time I updated my posts.
In fact for the time being I've been wondering what on earth have I been doing.
Not much I suppose, thus the reason why there's nothing special to post about-- or even if they do, facebook and twitter had already told them all.
Anyway, been busy, KNITTING!
as I've written previously, I had finally took up that skills from my aunt when I went back to Medan one happy January. And since then, had been finding myself spinning in the world of yarns and needles and knitting apparrels.
Thus far, I've been in 2 serious projects of making a shawl and a muffler. And had been shopping for yarns yarns yarns and more yarns, that at present, I've had about 10 or more yarns in my closet. (uh-oh! blame it on Spotlight who is having a great yarn sale till end of this week :p )
So engrossed was I in the world of knitting that for a moment when I stopped back and think about what have I been doing besides knitting, I realized that I have not been doing pretty much. Well, yeah...not much.
And one thing that I missed the most when I entered into Kinokuniya Bookstore yesterday, after finally getting rid of the knitting books fever at the Mandarin and Japanese section as well, is my passion for fiction books.
I was so happy when I was able to discover some new titles on the shelves. And this makes me want to bring them all home, and build myself a fort out of books and create a 'reading world'.
Some titles that I found interesting are:
1. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran which had become a movie starring Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks. (and which I had found great interest and decided to bring it home)
2. Something of the Night by Ian Marchant which explores into the different lifestyles/ activites people do when the night came, and believe or not, "we all have something of the night about us." (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13366208-something-of-the-night) (hmmm..spooky!!!)
3. Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern which told a story about a mysterious night circus that came only at night and leaves without a trace the day after and what happened inside that black and white tent when two of their characters fall in love? (Seems pretty in a spooky way too...I'm expecting to see another great journey like the one I had with Water for Elephant)
4. Hector and the search for Happiness by French Author Francois Lelord which told a story about Hector, a psychiatrist who went on a journey all over the world in search of happiness and did he learnt in the end? The book had been regarded as a 'feelgood gem' and selling over two million copies. And for your information, the book is a psychological-effect of some sort genre as well, so for those of you who loves psychology, maybe you can try. (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/hector-and-the-search-for-happiness-by-francois-lelord-1951338.html) (Think I will give this one a try...never read a psychological related books before :) it will be a good exploration for the mind :) huuuhuuu...)
5. Books of Ghost Stories by Roald Dahl which involved a selection of 14 ghost stories selected by Dahl himself after reading some 749 supernatural tales at the British Museum Library (can you believe it? he read 700 over ghost stories...wow!! I wonder how haunted his mind can be? :p) Honestly when I saw this, I was overwhelmed. I never thought that Dahl is gonna come up with such haunting ideas remembering him as the author of such happy creations such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/ Fantastic Mr Fox. Anyway, maybe it's worth our time to read it! I'm prepared for the eerieness as after all, "spookiness is after all the real purpose of ghost story...It should gives you the creeps and disturb your thought." -- Dahl.
Some other interesting titles are:
The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes and winner of the 2011 Man Booker Prize. 22 Britannia Road by Amanda Hodgkinson and The Art of hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker.
Well, so far these are what I've read (the reviews) yesterday when walking around Kinokuniya.
Seems like a good time to read read and read!!!!
Hee, for more titles, do check out Kinokuniya Bookstore and be their member too! (It's really worth it! especially when they have member's offer :))
http://www.kinokuniya.com/sg/index.php/fbs002 (can make book search from the following link too before you go to the store. see so convenient :p )
Anyway, do take up some time to read peeps afterall a good read serves a good knowledge :)
See yawl soon.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana ;)
"The habit of reading is the only enjoyment in which there is no alloy; it lasts when all other pleasures fade." Anthony Trollope
If it's not because the book is 'on loan' islandwide, maybe I will not even bought it.
Well hellow there! How r ya doing? Been sometime since the last time I updated my posts.
In fact for the time being I've been wondering what on earth have I been doing.
Not much I suppose, thus the reason why there's nothing special to post about-- or even if they do, facebook and twitter had already told them all.
Anyway, been busy, KNITTING!
as I've written previously, I had finally took up that skills from my aunt when I went back to Medan one happy January. And since then, had been finding myself spinning in the world of yarns and needles and knitting apparrels.
Thus far, I've been in 2 serious projects of making a shawl and a muffler. And had been shopping for yarns yarns yarns and more yarns, that at present, I've had about 10 or more yarns in my closet. (uh-oh! blame it on Spotlight who is having a great yarn sale till end of this week :p )
So engrossed was I in the world of knitting that for a moment when I stopped back and think about what have I been doing besides knitting, I realized that I have not been doing pretty much. Well, yeah...not much.
And one thing that I missed the most when I entered into Kinokuniya Bookstore yesterday, after finally getting rid of the knitting books fever at the Mandarin and Japanese section as well, is my passion for fiction books.
I was so happy when I was able to discover some new titles on the shelves. And this makes me want to bring them all home, and build myself a fort out of books and create a 'reading world'.
Some titles that I found interesting are:
1. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran which had become a movie starring Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks. (and which I had found great interest and decided to bring it home)
2. Something of the Night by Ian Marchant which explores into the different lifestyles/ activites people do when the night came, and believe or not, "we all have something of the night about us." (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13366208-something-of-the-night) (hmmm..spooky!!!)
3. Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern which told a story about a mysterious night circus that came only at night and leaves without a trace the day after and what happened inside that black and white tent when two of their characters fall in love? (Seems pretty in a spooky way too...I'm expecting to see another great journey like the one I had with Water for Elephant)
4. Hector and the search for Happiness by French Author Francois Lelord which told a story about Hector, a psychiatrist who went on a journey all over the world in search of happiness and did he learnt in the end? The book had been regarded as a 'feelgood gem' and selling over two million copies. And for your information, the book is a psychological-effect of some sort genre as well, so for those of you who loves psychology, maybe you can try. (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/hector-and-the-search-for-happiness-by-francois-lelord-1951338.html) (Think I will give this one a try...never read a psychological related books before :) it will be a good exploration for the mind :) huuuhuuu...)
5. Books of Ghost Stories by Roald Dahl which involved a selection of 14 ghost stories selected by Dahl himself after reading some 749 supernatural tales at the British Museum Library (can you believe it? he read 700 over ghost stories...wow!! I wonder how haunted his mind can be? :p) Honestly when I saw this, I was overwhelmed. I never thought that Dahl is gonna come up with such haunting ideas remembering him as the author of such happy creations such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/ Fantastic Mr Fox. Anyway, maybe it's worth our time to read it! I'm prepared for the eerieness as after all, "spookiness is after all the real purpose of ghost story...It should gives you the creeps and disturb your thought." -- Dahl.
Some other interesting titles are:
The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes and winner of the 2011 Man Booker Prize. 22 Britannia Road by Amanda Hodgkinson and The Art of hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker.
Well, so far these are what I've read (the reviews) yesterday when walking around Kinokuniya.
Seems like a good time to read read and read!!!!
Hee, for more titles, do check out Kinokuniya Bookstore and be their member too! (It's really worth it! especially when they have member's offer :))
http://www.kinokuniya.com/sg/index.php/fbs002 (can make book search from the following link too before you go to the store. see so convenient :p )
Anyway, do take up some time to read peeps afterall a good read serves a good knowledge :)
See yawl soon.
Love and Peace,
Yuliana ;)
"The habit of reading is the only enjoyment in which there is no alloy; it lasts when all other pleasures fade." Anthony Trollope
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Great Man, You will always be miss
It's going to be five years since the last time you left us.
But everything about you just seems so unforgetable.
And every now and then, we continue to talk about you.
Each time we do, we miss you.
Everytime we are reminded about how, 'empty' the house without you, or how I was reminded of the long alley that lead to the small provision shop behind our house, or the way you greeted us warmly each time we banged on the metal door, how I wish you were still around.
Sometimes, I still wonder why did you left so fast that day.
And though I know the reason why, but, sometimes I wonder if I have not prayed hard enough.
Sincere enough.
It was such a pity that when you were alive, we hardly had a one on one time talk together.
And that time, I hardly went back to see you too.
The next thing I know, I got to wait for a very long time before we finally meet.
I wonder what do you think when you see us from up above?
Have you seen him? Your youngest grand son?
Everybody has grown up and I hope you are proud of us.
Hopefully by the time we meet, you will be able to recognize us still.
And yes, hopefully we will going to meet in the same place.
I'll do my part.
And if you are watching, do help me.
And well, maybe I never said this, and in fact, I can't really write it down here, but all I know the reason why Medan seems so dear to me, though I never really lived there for long, is because you used to be there. And the love and warm welcome that you had given to me had influenced me so much that Jalan Asia has becomes such a memorable place for me.
A place where I can always find myself at home whenever I go back to Medan.
Thank you for your love for us.
Great Man, you will always be miss.
Love and Peace,
Yu
But everything about you just seems so unforgetable.
And every now and then, we continue to talk about you.
Each time we do, we miss you.
Everytime we are reminded about how, 'empty' the house without you, or how I was reminded of the long alley that lead to the small provision shop behind our house, or the way you greeted us warmly each time we banged on the metal door, how I wish you were still around.
Sometimes, I still wonder why did you left so fast that day.
And though I know the reason why, but, sometimes I wonder if I have not prayed hard enough.
Sincere enough.
It was such a pity that when you were alive, we hardly had a one on one time talk together.
And that time, I hardly went back to see you too.
The next thing I know, I got to wait for a very long time before we finally meet.
I wonder what do you think when you see us from up above?
Have you seen him? Your youngest grand son?
Everybody has grown up and I hope you are proud of us.
Hopefully by the time we meet, you will be able to recognize us still.
And yes, hopefully we will going to meet in the same place.
I'll do my part.
And if you are watching, do help me.
And well, maybe I never said this, and in fact, I can't really write it down here, but all I know the reason why Medan seems so dear to me, though I never really lived there for long, is because you used to be there. And the love and warm welcome that you had given to me had influenced me so much that Jalan Asia has becomes such a memorable place for me.
A place where I can always find myself at home whenever I go back to Medan.
Thank you for your love for us.
Great Man, you will always be miss.
Love and Peace,
Yu
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The joy of Knitting
There is always something to look forward to whenever I went back to Medan.
Either it is about a celebration of some sort, or something to learn about.
Either it is about a celebration of some sort, or something to learn about.
And this year, I went back for both.
Not only am I able to spent some Chinese New Year celebration with my maternal family, going around visiting their homes, exchange greetings and blessings for this dragon year, I was also able to learn something that I have been wanting to learn all these while, and which my aunties are very good at---Knitting!
And though I will very much say that I am not a very artistic sort of person, but I do love needle craft, which to some extend is considered as a form of art too, except that it is in a form of fabric, thread and needles instead of paint oil, canvas and brushes. And to my surprise, I'm able to absorb the skills pretty quickly (and of course with the help of a good teacher too,my aunt) that in within 5 days of learning and practicing, now I'm able to knit myself a simple- pattern-shawl (HAPPY!)
Anyway, here is a picture of my first knit, which involves two forms of knitting skills, the knit stitch needle, and purl stitch needle :) Enjoy!
Aeromeal
I have always like the food on the aeroplane, although sometimes,well, it was not as appetising as the other.
Nevertheless, I continue to like it despite the fact that I have not been eating above the ground for so long---due to the short distance travelled.
I guess is because each time I ate it, it reminds me of the time when I was a little girl and I boarded the airplane for the first time--seeing the little cutesy cutleries and tray that was placed before me, it just makes me feel so happy. Even until now.
And usually, the food are good!
Like the Risoles (Indonesian chicken pie) that I ate earlier on, or the simple bread and butter that I took when I boarded on Air France's business class one lucky day with my cousins, to the western food that was served by SIA on my trip to the US, and not forgetting the Haagen Dasz ice cream!
Delicious!
And I had great fun eating them all.
Been sometime since the last time I travelled, and fortunately, my Airplane table manners is still with me :)
Anyway, been a good experience so far--what's not right when one is serve with good food, good service, good flight, good weather, and finally, from my part, a "Good Night".
The time now is 2:11 a.m.
Gotta go...
Love and Peace,
Yuliana :)
Nevertheless, I continue to like it despite the fact that I have not been eating above the ground for so long---due to the short distance travelled.
I guess is because each time I ate it, it reminds me of the time when I was a little girl and I boarded the airplane for the first time--seeing the little cutesy cutleries and tray that was placed before me, it just makes me feel so happy. Even until now.
And usually, the food are good!
Like the Risoles (Indonesian chicken pie) that I ate earlier on, or the simple bread and butter that I took when I boarded on Air France's business class one lucky day with my cousins, to the western food that was served by SIA on my trip to the US, and not forgetting the Haagen Dasz ice cream!
Delicious!
And I had great fun eating them all.
Been sometime since the last time I travelled, and fortunately, my Airplane table manners is still with me :)
Anyway, been a good experience so far--what's not right when one is serve with good food, good service, good flight, good weather, and finally, from my part, a "Good Night".
The time now is 2:11 a.m.
Gotta go...
Love and Peace,
Yuliana :)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
To Love and Be Love (The Hardest Thing)
A fiction
Under the rain a woman collapsed to the ground as her world turned upside down.
With the little strength she has with her, she looked at the figure that was walking further and further way from her.
The figure was moving so slow, yet it seems so fast that underneath the heavy rain, it seems like a blurry image in her eyes.
She stared and continues to stare even after the figure already become a little thin line among the crowds.
With her thin wet hands she hid her face.
As she closed her eyes in between her tears, traces of memories of how good they were once before all these things happened came to mind.
“I love you” he had said many times.
Unfortunately, her heart which belongs to someone else, could not accept his feeling and this made her to make the hardest thing in life- to hurt the man who loves her.
They’ve met long before he met that other girl.
It was love at first sight for him.
And ever since then, he had spent using all his time, mind, efforts, strengths and even days thinking about her. Hoping he will meet her again.
Sadly, time was cruel.
They hardly met.
So he waited.
And he waited longer.
Until one day, after all the hopeless waits he decided to let her out of his mind.
But then she came back.
She recognizes him.
She called him by name.
They talked like an old friend.
They laughed like best friends.
And some people even think that they got together.
He knows in that instant that they will never part.
But he was wrong.
Despite her physical presence, her heart belongs to somewhere he can never reach.
So he tried to win it back.
But sadly it never went towards his direction.
He was not convinced.
He gave it another try.
Harder this time. And even more deeply he tried to go, into understanding the depth of her heart and yet what he found was nothing but a saddening truth.
Her heart had gone too far.
And to make it worst, it had found its resting place.
And it had lies itself comfortably in the heart of another man.
Broken and tired his heart rested behind his fatigue ribs.
The man’s breath took its turn to function, making him to breathe faster than he should.
Soon, the man found himself gasping as tears rolled down his cheeks.
From the distance, he looked at her.
The woman who broke his heart, but surprisingly, despite the hurtful event, he has not the heart to hate her.
He loved her too much to hate her.
So he decided to keep his love to himself.
Unfortunately his love continues to stir in its place.
Seeking for a challenge.
Looking for a competition.
The man tried to brush it aside and focus all his attention to the other girl whom he had met two years later.
Unfortunately, she was nothing like that girl.
Not even in the shades of her hair or a tint of her characters.
Then he began to battle with himself.
He knows his love still longs for that girl.
His heart still skips its beats for her.
In the end, he did the unthinkable.
Though his brain permits him to say, his heart and his tongue push the words forward to the tip of his tongue and soon to the centre of his lip. Making him to say the words he had almost forgotten how to say the day he decided to keep his love to himself.
“I love you.” He said for the seventh time (if he did not remember wrongly) when they met again one day.
The girl looked at him shocked before she changed her gaze with tenderness.
She smiled a gentle smile.
“Thank you.” She replied gently.
He looked at her without moving a muscle. “I really love you.” He continued.
Another smile.
“I love you very much.” He suggested.
The girl smiled and shrugged. “Thank you. But I can’t.” she said slowly.
“Why?” he demanded.
“You know the reason why.” she replied gently, cautiously.
He looked at her speechless.
“Look, I really thank you for loving me and I’m sorry, I ca…” before she could finish, he pulled her to his side and sealed her lip with his kiss.
He does not want her to continue.
He knows the reason.
Of course he does. And it makes the more reason why he does not want her to remind him with that fact on his face.
He pressed his lip closer, she feels so good that he does not want to let her go.
He pulled her in.
And soon, he found his hands holding onto her back and down to her waist as he pulled her even closer to him.
She tried to set herself free off his arms.
“Please…” she pleaded.
He grabbed her face and stared into her frightened eyes.
“Please…” she pleaded pushing him away.
He releases his fingers from her pale face.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “Are you okay?’ he asked trying to brush a hair from her face. She responded quickly with a hand “I can do it myself.” She said moving away from him.
She walked away from him without turning back.
In her rush she had forgotten to take her bag with her.
“Wait!” he called out rushing for her.
She pretended she did not hear him and quickened her pace.
“Fiona wait up!” he called out running faster. Then when she did not stop, he rushed forward and stood in front of her.
“What do you want from me?” Fiona asked irritated.
The man looked at her angered expression.
He was ashamed of himself.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized again.
She let out an exasperated sigh. “You are attached aren’t you?’ she asked licking her dried lips.
“Aren’t you?” She asked when he didn’t say a word.
He nodded.
“Then what’s that for?”
He could not give her an answer.
“What happen to you?” She asked then finding that there’s no reason for her to stay, she took her bag from him and began to walk away.
“I love you!” he shouted behind her. “I just want you to know that I love you. Even all these while, I still love you.”
“Do you ever think about what your girlfriend is gonna think if she knows that you are saying all these to me?” she asked screaming at him. “You are horrible, Darren.”
“Then tell me what can I do to forget about you?”
She stared at him speechless.
Then after a moment’s thought, “don’t ever look for me again.” She said coldly.
There was a tremble in her voice when she said those words.
She didn’t mean to hurt him but maybe it is for the better.
He stood motionless as she walked with her hands clutching tightly to her bag.
He waited for her turn around.
She didn’t.
He waited a little more.
But still she continued to walk forward.
Dejected and hurtful, he began to move his numb feet, still with his eyes fix on her back.
Then as his eyes went into a blur, he turned his back to where she was walking and began to walk.
In a distance she turned, walking back a little to the place she had just left a few minutes ago.
She stared as his figure moved slowly, lifelessly.
She raised a finger to her lip to prevent herself from making a sound that will make him turned back to see her.
And then in the middle of the rain that had poured as if it knows what had happened between them and let out its natural cry, she collapses on the ground and cried.
In between her tears she tried to search a glimpse of him which has become a thin line among the crowds and wished with all her heart that he will be alright.
Yuliana :)
16/Jan/2011
Under the rain a woman collapsed to the ground as her world turned upside down.
With the little strength she has with her, she looked at the figure that was walking further and further way from her.
The figure was moving so slow, yet it seems so fast that underneath the heavy rain, it seems like a blurry image in her eyes.
She stared and continues to stare even after the figure already become a little thin line among the crowds.
With her thin wet hands she hid her face.
As she closed her eyes in between her tears, traces of memories of how good they were once before all these things happened came to mind.
“I love you” he had said many times.
Unfortunately, her heart which belongs to someone else, could not accept his feeling and this made her to make the hardest thing in life- to hurt the man who loves her.
They’ve met long before he met that other girl.
It was love at first sight for him.
And ever since then, he had spent using all his time, mind, efforts, strengths and even days thinking about her. Hoping he will meet her again.
Sadly, time was cruel.
They hardly met.
So he waited.
And he waited longer.
Until one day, after all the hopeless waits he decided to let her out of his mind.
But then she came back.
She recognizes him.
She called him by name.
They talked like an old friend.
They laughed like best friends.
And some people even think that they got together.
He knows in that instant that they will never part.
But he was wrong.
Despite her physical presence, her heart belongs to somewhere he can never reach.
So he tried to win it back.
But sadly it never went towards his direction.
He was not convinced.
He gave it another try.
Harder this time. And even more deeply he tried to go, into understanding the depth of her heart and yet what he found was nothing but a saddening truth.
Her heart had gone too far.
And to make it worst, it had found its resting place.
And it had lies itself comfortably in the heart of another man.
Broken and tired his heart rested behind his fatigue ribs.
The man’s breath took its turn to function, making him to breathe faster than he should.
Soon, the man found himself gasping as tears rolled down his cheeks.
From the distance, he looked at her.
The woman who broke his heart, but surprisingly, despite the hurtful event, he has not the heart to hate her.
He loved her too much to hate her.
So he decided to keep his love to himself.
Unfortunately his love continues to stir in its place.
Seeking for a challenge.
Looking for a competition.
The man tried to brush it aside and focus all his attention to the other girl whom he had met two years later.
Unfortunately, she was nothing like that girl.
Not even in the shades of her hair or a tint of her characters.
Then he began to battle with himself.
He knows his love still longs for that girl.
His heart still skips its beats for her.
In the end, he did the unthinkable.
Though his brain permits him to say, his heart and his tongue push the words forward to the tip of his tongue and soon to the centre of his lip. Making him to say the words he had almost forgotten how to say the day he decided to keep his love to himself.
“I love you.” He said for the seventh time (if he did not remember wrongly) when they met again one day.
The girl looked at him shocked before she changed her gaze with tenderness.
She smiled a gentle smile.
“Thank you.” She replied gently.
He looked at her without moving a muscle. “I really love you.” He continued.
Another smile.
“I love you very much.” He suggested.
The girl smiled and shrugged. “Thank you. But I can’t.” she said slowly.
“Why?” he demanded.
“You know the reason why.” she replied gently, cautiously.
He looked at her speechless.
“Look, I really thank you for loving me and I’m sorry, I ca…” before she could finish, he pulled her to his side and sealed her lip with his kiss.
He does not want her to continue.
He knows the reason.
Of course he does. And it makes the more reason why he does not want her to remind him with that fact on his face.
He pressed his lip closer, she feels so good that he does not want to let her go.
He pulled her in.
And soon, he found his hands holding onto her back and down to her waist as he pulled her even closer to him.
She tried to set herself free off his arms.
“Please…” she pleaded.
He grabbed her face and stared into her frightened eyes.
“Please…” she pleaded pushing him away.
He releases his fingers from her pale face.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “Are you okay?’ he asked trying to brush a hair from her face. She responded quickly with a hand “I can do it myself.” She said moving away from him.
She walked away from him without turning back.
In her rush she had forgotten to take her bag with her.
“Wait!” he called out rushing for her.
She pretended she did not hear him and quickened her pace.
“Fiona wait up!” he called out running faster. Then when she did not stop, he rushed forward and stood in front of her.
“What do you want from me?” Fiona asked irritated.
The man looked at her angered expression.
He was ashamed of himself.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized again.
She let out an exasperated sigh. “You are attached aren’t you?’ she asked licking her dried lips.
“Aren’t you?” She asked when he didn’t say a word.
He nodded.
“Then what’s that for?”
He could not give her an answer.
“What happen to you?” She asked then finding that there’s no reason for her to stay, she took her bag from him and began to walk away.
“I love you!” he shouted behind her. “I just want you to know that I love you. Even all these while, I still love you.”
“Do you ever think about what your girlfriend is gonna think if she knows that you are saying all these to me?” she asked screaming at him. “You are horrible, Darren.”
“Then tell me what can I do to forget about you?”
She stared at him speechless.
Then after a moment’s thought, “don’t ever look for me again.” She said coldly.
There was a tremble in her voice when she said those words.
She didn’t mean to hurt him but maybe it is for the better.
He stood motionless as she walked with her hands clutching tightly to her bag.
He waited for her turn around.
She didn’t.
He waited a little more.
But still she continued to walk forward.
Dejected and hurtful, he began to move his numb feet, still with his eyes fix on her back.
Then as his eyes went into a blur, he turned his back to where she was walking and began to walk.
In a distance she turned, walking back a little to the place she had just left a few minutes ago.
She stared as his figure moved slowly, lifelessly.
She raised a finger to her lip to prevent herself from making a sound that will make him turned back to see her.
And then in the middle of the rain that had poured as if it knows what had happened between them and let out its natural cry, she collapses on the ground and cried.
In between her tears she tried to search a glimpse of him which has become a thin line among the crowds and wished with all her heart that he will be alright.
Yuliana :)
16/Jan/2011
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