Why do this tears fall?
Why does this heart of mine cry?
Is it because I hurt you?
Could it be…I was being told to feel the feeling that you felt
Because of what I did for you?
Am I really strong when I say in every prayers that I can do it
Do I really mean what I said when I said I want to try?
Am I really able to live without you?
Why do I have to live in a place where, I cant even really get along with the world
Why do I have to speak when I got no one in particular to hear?
And why then, am I speaking things I didn’t mean to say?
And hearing not things I am suppose to hear? Or hearing things that I don’t know if I could do…
Why do I have to feel this way?
Sometimes, I wonder, am I right to say that maybe I am just not destined to be here?
Sometimes I wonder, am I right to say that I am tired of living?
I don’t know what I am tired of, but I just don’t feel like living…
I know I promised not to say this again, but I guess, at times it just grab hold of my head and I’m sorry but to break the promise…
I wonder who am I. Why am I created this way and why the hell didn’t I know myself?
Am I really living in a place people exist? Or am I just hallucinating?
Those voices I heard, are they real?
Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and be a new human being…
But the thought of you…each of you that made me smile…
You know who you are…thank you
It made me to give up my thoughts.
‘God help me’ no…I can’t say those words, knowing that I have not been doing the things I’ve promised to do. Maybe this is what it means by expectation.
Then maybe, I should lower down my expectation if I don’t want to suffer.
Sometimes I really wonder, am I really trying when I said I tried…
Have I tried?
Do I even try?
I don’t know
I wonder, do I really love myself as much as I express it?
When I express it?
Or am I just shielding myself from the truth?
Damn. I hate you.
I hate you who make me like this.
I hate you who leave me at times like this.
I hate you who makes me to love you…
If only all of you are not around, it wont be so hard to consider my crazy thoughts.
If not for You, and the promise and the mission I’ve said, maybe I wont even give a damn about all this.
I hate me who think like this.
Because this is just going to make some people upset…and you especially.
Well I guess, I have to thank you.
If not for you, I would have been in hell
But I guess because of you all...at least I still have a chance to go to heaven.
And I guess, it’s time for me to do my part in saving you too.
I won’t want to see you people in hell, when you have been such a great happiness to me.
I’m so sorry…
I’m so sorry I didn’t manage to grab hold of myself yet again.
Guess this is what happen when you are not too smart…
Or too naughty…
Or maybe this is what I get for being too smart.
Thinking that I can do it when I don’t.
I don’t know…
I am lost…
I need your help……..Lord
I need your help.
I didn’t know writing your name can be so painful when I have not been a good girl.
Maybe I shouldn’t cry
Maybe I should have think of ways to change.
But I don’t know…
Seems like I tried, but I think its either not enough, or people just don’t see it, or I just don’t do it well enough.
I’m tired.
I really am.
I’m tired to the point, I don’t know who I am.
It’s disturbing
When I don’t even know who I am.
Sometimes I wonder, how am I going to get it out of my head…
Ps. Don’t you worry, when I am happy I really am…
I’m not an emo in disgust, or maybe I do, who contradicts my feelings and my expressions. I act based on what I feel…and that’s why maybe at times, what I feel, may fail me.
I’m sorry…I really don’t wish you…any of you, to see this part of me...
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