The Beginning
A few weeks ago, when I looked at myself in front of the mirror, I got the biggest shock of my life!
I'M UGLY! like freaking ugly. with additional acnes around the temple of my face, and clogged up pores at my forehead, and...big big eye bags....it was horrible horrible.
Then I began to think of the factors that lead to such horrible state of mine. At first I thought it was the food consumed, indeed, I had been crazily feeding myself with chocolates after not getting in contact with the sinful indulgence for God knows when. Then comes the sleepless night which I spent most of it on my knitting :p.
However, despite listing out the possible factors, I realized that there is really something missing in here.
Something that I still unable to figure out why.
Until, I sat down on night (after finally putting away my knitting materials) and as I was starring at the ceiling, a thought struck into mind *TING*
It was then when I realized that the main reason for all that pathetic state of mine is because of my anxieties.
All sorts of anxieties from the fact that I have not been spending time with God, praying, what am I suppose to do next, to how long do I have to wait till I get a call for an interview. (Earlier on I had sent out a few resumes, and after re-writing and re-writing my cover letter, but unfortunately, there's still no call from the respective companies. Sadded. Yes I am.
So, that night, I began to pray.
Even then, I realized that my prayer is filled with prayers for other people instead of my own needs.
Indeed, I've learned about some of my friends who had been troubled with one thing or another, and thinking that since I've not been doing much lately, i can share their burdens; only to realize that well, I am not that tough myself.
And so that night I ranted out all my 'secrets' to God. And as always, I feel so much better.
Very much.
It was also during those time when I was reminded once again about how God knows our every needs and if only I take a time to listen to His calling, actually, He is everywhere around me, and there is no need for me to be afraid/ worried for He holds tomorrow. And just like father to his children, he knows when and what kind of things/ jobs that is going to come my way...if only I take a time to WAIT on His time instead of my own time.
Then when I see myself, I also realized how mnay times have I been putting away all my hobbies, or doing them for the sake of doing/ stress relieves instead of an enjoyment?
And it is no wonder, I dont feel joy in doing it. and though my hands are kntting a beautiful piece of scarf, but my heart is all empty and dissatisfied.
Fortunately, I get the message pretty quickly and without further ado, had been trying to enjoy myself once again. (Dont get me wrong though, not saying as to take advantage of time being unemployed. but well, at least still learn to count my blessings.)
And to think that it's going to be April, there is an Israel Trip to look forward to. A trip which I hope not only enable me to see the world, but also an opportunity to learn more about Jesus's hometown. Then there is Good Friday and Easter that is coming in about two weeks times and being a choir member of the church, maybe I should see this as an opportunity to serve Him with the Heart of Worship. Afterall this is my first time singing for the church on Good Friday and Easter.
And maybe, just a maybe, this is also God way of letting me serve him without worrying/ bothering about earthly things. And when I see it that way, it really made me feel so glad.
Love and peace,
Yuliana :)
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